Sure bet with guaranteed betting profit - Arbitrage

"Why did Sweden Support The Vietcong" By History Matters

So this 3 and a half minute video is about as misleading and inaccurate as you expect. How? Well, let's explore nitpick the hell out of this video.
When most people think of the Vietcong and their allies, Sweden doesn't make the list
Okay, well. This video off the bat conflates the "Vietcong" with the Democratic Republic of Vietnam. They're completely different entities, for instance, the DRV (September 2nd, 1945) predates the VC (December 20th, 1960) by over 15 years. Often in American memory, the Viet Cong were the primary antagonists and were the main adversary that American troops would come across until 1968. American memory tends to conflate Vietcong with North Vietnam, which is a very slanted and American centric view that doesn't hold up under scrutiny. To claim that the Vietcong were interchangeable with North Vietnam boils the North down to a seemingly rag tag insurgency rather than a legitimate political entity.
It should be stated that as seen later in this list, Sweden didn't "ally" itself with the DRV or Vietcong. Semantic in the context of this video? I guess, but its an important distinction. A large debate actually is present in some discussions of the war on how and even if the NLF were a creation of North Vietnam (US assertion) or that it was a largely self-sufficient nationalist movement within the people of South Vietnam (Vietnamese assertion). I believe the former is very evident but this is worth mentioning.
The Vietcong were also a front organization, nominally a larger umbrella movement of various nationalists with a command "core" of communist leaders. This is the same case as the Vietminh as evidenced by being able to see a lot of South Vietnamese officials/officers who were Vietminh earlier in their careers.
The Vietnam War is largely a war of decolonization and independence for the broader Vietnamese perspective, not as ideological to the extent the United States believed.
Hence, these terms are not changeable politically nor are they in any historical sense.
So why, why did Sweden side with the Vietcong?
This is actually "debunked" seconds later where he states they were part of a mediated non-aligned movement against the war. Recognition wise, Sweden didn't formally recognize Vietnam until 1969 which was nearly 24 years after Vietnam's Declaration of Independence on September 2nd, 1945. Sweden was far from the only country to be a part of this movement, diplomacy moved greatly through a great host of countries during the course of American involvement.
The war had two phases, the first when the French colonial overlords of this area called "French Indochina" fought to quell a rebellion against its rule.
To call it phases of one singular war is somewhat problematic though that is an issue of categorization. A larger issue of this is calling the Franco-Vietminh War a "rebellion against French rule". To classify this war as a rebellion is very loaded, as it does not recognize by default that France had lost control of "Indochina" and had to negotiate with the Vietminh as a legitimate political entity. France also granted varying degrees of independence to Ho Chi Minh and infamously Bao Dai, not very characteristic of a rebellion unless you are operating under the inference that this territory was rightly controlled by France. The reassertion of complete colonial control also began to fall by the wayside in the late 1940s and France began to settle for an "associated state" of the French Union.
This war is arguably *the most important years of the Vietnam War, how this is said matters. * 0:44
Now at first the USA wasn't too fussed about this since it had no desire to preserve old European empires
This is true, though misleading especially without qualification. Franklin Delano Roosevelt was notoriously anti-colonial, the defeats of France in 1940 sealed his opinion of France as a dying empire. He believed that imperialism and colonial squabbles helped kick off WW2, pushing through the Atlantic Charter to Churchill's chagrin and a sidelined France. This document and the independence of the Philippines later in 1946 helped cement the reputation of the United States as a guarantor of colonial freedoms. However, the Atlantic Charter was non-binding and many interpreted it as a right of self-determination to territories held by Germany and Japan.
Truman also did not want to be mired in colonial squabbles, though the Cold War has taken precedence in American foreign policy in 1947 with the Truman Doctrine. In 1949 after years of an escalating quagmire, France proposed a "Bao Dai Solution" which postulated Bao Dai as an independent (so much for the colony!) and non-communist alternative to Vietnam, offering more independence to Bao Dai than Ho Chi Minh ever asked for a few years earlier. This solution began the long tale of US interventionism as the conflict due to its ever-increasing nature brought the conflict slowly away from a colonial reassertion but rather a fight against communism. The French marketed this as "fighting another front in the war against communism" but against China and later Korea. It should be noted the French were very wary of the Americans coming in as they saw America as trying to encroach on their interests and a fierce rivalry brewed during the war.
In 1950, everything changed in regard to French Indochina. The Korean War had kicked off and Communism looked as scary as ever, the US began to see France's assertion of fighting a war against communism on another front, which was a bit disingenuous by the French. It is also around this time that Ho Chi Minh's diplomatic options were limited and he turned to the very reluctant China and USSR who gave tepid support, though gaining in China after Korea. Internal US policy around this time began to become extremely hawkish at the advent of the Korean War.
The State Department had largely purged itself of its left-leaning "Orientalist" experts in favor of European experts who were more conservative and hardline, seeking a more proactive approach to communism in Asia. Instead of relieving the forces at Bien Dien Phu (which would include a B-52 bombing campaign and even possibly strategic nuclear weapons) America felt the French were due to fall and that the US could take over the effort against communism.
It is a common myth that America didn't care about Vietnam in the late 1950s and early 1960s, the US had a stake in it as early as 1947. While they were very careful about not appearing to help a colonial war, America from 1950-1954 was already knee-deep in Vietnam with a lot of motivation to be there. Over the course of the war, America was largely bankrolling the French Military in Vietnam and had spent over 10 billion dollars (see Appendix 1) while bankrolling up to 80% of the entire French war effort (page 63).
In peace talks, it was divided into 2 states. North Vietnam was under the control of communists and they wanted the South too.
We can debate how truly committed to communism the DRV was at this time, though this phrasing points to North Vietnam as an aggressor for a land grab against a just partition. The Geneva Accords in 1954 were a massive defeat for DRV, who had wanted and expected full independence but were blocked by efforts from the US to shore up an anti-communist ally. According to the Geneva Accords, there would be no military presence or alliances and eventual nationwide elections for reunification. It was largely understood that the North (22 million population) which was a Vietminh stronghold would win nationwide elections coming off of their stunning nationalist victory against the French at Bien Dien Phu against the South (16 million population). There was a mad dash of refugees and moving about at this time including reprisals on both sides (which were against terms). The US-backed Ngo Dinh Diem factions of the Vietnamese National Army won out for control over the French-backed Binh Xuyen VNA factions. Elections of dubious quality were had in South Vietnam resulting in a Diem regime and any elections were tabled, sending Vietnam on a crash course to war.
The point of contention here is that the war did not happen because "The North wanted the South", the division was slapdash and there were very few chances of this partition working out as it was written from the get-go.
Domino theory dictates that all instances of a communist government must be stopped lest the entire world fall to it
I think he's mixing up the Truman Doctrine which stipulated military aid for any country battling communism (Greece and Turkey) in 1947 with Eisenhower's Domino Theory which stipulated the consequences of failing the policy of containment. There were other reasons for the Vietnam War (like, a lot) but this explanation is fine in and of itself as the most common "reason".
So, I bet you're like shit all of this is already just a minute in. I can't read all of this! Well, you're in luck because most of my gripes were with the first minute of this video, I know less about the politics of Sweden so I can be briefer.
Now Palmer wasn't a communist or anything which was driven by fierce anti-war ideology
He's mostly correct but one has to point out that Sweden was one among many to join the non-aligned movement. This was a coalition of many governments who didn't expressly support either superpower as an attempt to thaw the cold war, this was a large movement and Sweden was hardly unique in this regard. While Swedish was not Marxist by any means, instead forming their trademark Social Democracy there is somewhat of a political affinity there that underpins the cold war divide.
Palme instead elected to give direct aid to the Viet Cong
Again, the Vietcong and North Vietnam are not the same.
Asylum to American draft dodgers, medical supplies, and doctors
This is hardly "helping the Vietcong" as much as standard aid for an ailing country in line with what a non-aligned country. This is not siding with the "Vietcong", nor is it allying with them or even arguably helping them. It should be mentioned that by this point in time the NLF had largely been decimated by the Tet Offensive and the NVA had already largely taken over coinciding with American "Vietnamization" and eventual withdrawal. Again, it's playing with dates here because it is not specific when this happened but it would likely have its bulk be in the early 1970s considering Sweden formally recognized DRV in 1969.
This was largely done from a position of pacifism
This kinda undermines a lot of what this video is actually arguing. The non-aligned movement is also not synonymous with pacifism.
Sweden supported the "Vietcong" because it would support anyone in this same situation against any other great power
I'm somewhat nitpicking (as I have this whole post) but this is a pretty sweeping blanket unfalsifiable statement that is too broad to really make as a case, especially as arguably the entire conclusion of your video. Again this is a bit nitpicking the wording here.
While this video was intending to be a quick summary of the Vietnam War and Sweden's role, the premise of a lot of the claims are misleading or overly simplistic. This is, of course, is to be expected especially with a 1-minute summary which will always be simplified, but the summary was quite bad and I hope to bust some common myths I believe the video is drawing on. What really brought this video to my eye was the weird use of Vietcong as well as the framing of Vietnam from 1945-1956 as one that was heavily biased, laden with misconceptions, and more simple than it ever had to be.
I realize I might be nitpicking this too much as its a 3 minute and 30-second video on the war and some diplomacy, if so I would like to hear your thoughts. I am also not an expert on this topic (especially Sweden) so any additions or criticism are welcome. I largely did this video to just help my understanding of the topic.
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Climbing Mount Readmore: Reading Our Top Fantasy Novels Part 17 - 65-60

Welcome to a fairly successful attempt to not do any actual work at my job because dammit, there's reading to do! Each month I will be reading 5 books from our Top Novels of 2018 list until I have read the starting book from each series. When we last checked in, I started the 70s tier. Now we finish the 70s begin the 65s:
65. Consider Phlebas by Iain Banks, Book 1 of the Culture series (58 on the 2019 list)
Horza is a Changer, a shapeshifting spy, working for the Idiran Empire in its war against the Culture, the hivemind of humanity that rules most of the known galaxy. When a mission extraction goes awry, Horza is captured by pirates and must take over the identity of their inept leader to find his way back to his comrades so that together, they can recover the lost computer that contains vital information relevant to the war.
Iain Banks is a legend that I've never actually read before and judging by this book, that's a tragedy that needs correcting. I was struck immediately by the decision to make the main character non-human and to have him fighting against humanity in the central conflict of the novel. Humans are explicitly portrayed as being in the wrong and needing to be stopped by force from the very beginning. That's...a rarity in sci fi where we still largely appreciate having a human perspective or at least pro human viewpoints delivered through the protagonist and even if there is an anti human message, it's usually delivered from the lens of a more moral human who wants society to fix its ways. Horza himself is a rather interesting character and he has the difficult role of both being protagonist and providing the reader with a lot of the worldbuilding. Most of what we learn of the Culture comes through Horza's eyes which, despite sometimes being expository, is a fascinating way to do it because it bakes a singular bias into the revelations which makes the reveals of the world far more interesting than simple explanations would be. For instance, one could have written "The Culture was a communist paradise" to explain the Culture's dominant political system but instead Horza complains about the fact that the rulers of the Culture already have their communist paradise but they still can't stand not meddling in the affairs of others. This may seem like a subtle distinction but it twists the information from simple exposition to also be an expression of character; you learn about Horza's motivations and his problems with the Culture in the same sentence you learn about how the Culture governs itself. It's an economical way of storytelling that makes sure information is almost always being conveyed on multiple levels.
One surprising weakness I found in this novel was that for a war story, the action was the least interesting part. Banks is usually quite skilled at blending characterization in with the rest of his writing but that skill stumbled in the action category where it feels like it could happen to almost any character. It's still technically well written action that's clear and theoretically exciting on its own but it often felt like the plot and characters were are put on pause for an action scene to interrupt. I guess the best way to put it is that for such an otherwise inventive and interesting novel, I would have expected the action to be a little more imaginative and less boilerplate. The frequency of the action also throws off the pacing of the book which could have been a much tighter 300 or so page book if the majority of the action scenes were either cut or curtailed. There is also an extended an rather pointless scene where Horza gets captures by cannibals and an extended sequence where he watches them devour someone alive that maybe some people will find horrific but I was mainly bored by because it was so disconnected from the rest of the story. Luckily it only lasted for one chapter before Horza returned to his main quest. But, those weaknesses aside, it's still a good book that I enjoyed quite a bit.
63. Three Parts Dead by Max Gladstone, Book 1 of the Craft Sequence (72 on the 2019 list)
The newly graduated necromancer, Tara Abernathy, has been recruited to a renowned firm as a junior associate. It's everything a woman with her magical talent could hope to achieve but there's one small problem: her first assignment is to somehow resurrect a god, a feat that should be beyond the abilities of even a team of the most skilled necromancers even if she didn't already have to fend off attacks from whoever killed this god.
Do you like heroic necromancers? Do you like a blend of fantasy and legal work? Do you like emotional rocks? Then boy is Max Gladstone's Three Parts Dead the novel for you. Boasting some fast pacing, quirky characters, and a unique tone, this book is fairly different from many fantasy novels. The worldbuilding is one of the more unique ones I've seen in that it resembles the modern world heavily but it has clearly gotten to that stage solely through magical means. Where urban fantasy is the real world with magic grafted on, this could almost be described in the opposite way: a magical world with the modern world grafted on. The decision to focus on unusual protagonists like necromancers and doing a job analogous to legal work was a bold one that I'm not totally sure the novel pulls off but I certainly can't fault Gladstone's ambition deciding to write within these constraints. The characters are also all likable and intelligent, always making reasonable or even clever moves in pursuing the plot.
Unfortunately, I found it a bit dull with the main issue is that the investigation angle of the story didn't quite work for me. The investigation pulls double duty in the narrative as it allows the characters to give exposition about the world in a natural way without it feeling forced and it also lays the groundwork for the plot but part of the fun of a mystery in most books is that you can presumably put the pieces together yourself to figure out what happened if you're observant enough. That can't really be the case in a fantasy story though, through no fault of the author's, because it's close to impossible to get all the necessary worldbuilding and magical theory underpinning the murder put together until very late in the book. Sometimes it can't even all get in there before the reveal as is the case with this book where you will be incredibly lucky to untangle the complicated web of stock bundling analgoues that goes into forming the underlying mystery of this book. The other problem though is that even though you can't really put the solution together as to what happened on a first read, it is damn easy to guess who the villain is and that he did it even if you don't know how while the characters still run about wondering aloud who could have committed such a crime. It is odd to have the mystery be complicated while the bad guy is so transparently obvious because it undercuts tension from both ends. I lost interest in the mystery and became frustrated with the characters for not catching on to the obvious villain until late in the book. These are far from damning problems but they did dampen my enjoyment of an otherwise enjoyable read.
It was a good book, I think, but one that I didn't quite enjoy as much as I think I was supposed to. It's certainly fun and interesting but I can't help thinking it just needed a tighter plot and I always have trouble overcoming the hurdle of investigation plot lines, which are just never my thing. A decent read, well worth a shot, maybe I'll try a later book and see if things improve for me.
63. Sailing to Sarantium by Guy Gavriel Kay, Book 1 of the Sarantine Mosaic (70 on the 2019 list)
Caius Crispus (Crispin) is a talented mosaicist who receives the opportunity of a lifetime when the emperor of Sarantium commissions his work. Setting out with a mechanical bird named Linon that was ensouled by an alchemist as his companion, Crispin begins the long journey from Rhodias to the city of Sarantium.
Jesus, GGK, how do you keep writing this well? The Sarantine Mosaic is arguably only a mid tier Kay book (it's not as epic as Tigana, as beloved as Lions of al-Rassan, nor as beautiful as Under Heaven, and I think I've even seen Song for Arbonne recommended more than it) yet it may be his most poetic work both in terms of the lyrical nature of the prose and how directly the story works to elaborate on the themes of a famous poem by William Butler Yeats Sailing to Byzantium. Those themes are largely: how things change, passing from youth to old age, exploration of the world, and also an interrogation of how political and religious powers intersect. Of these themes, I'd say change is probably the best explored one as the title is both a literal description of the events of the book (the main character is traveling to Sarantium, of course) but within the book the phrase "sailing to Sarantium" is also an expression characters use repeatedly to mean a time of great change and upheaval. So "sailing to Sarantium" is effectively synonymous with "taking a daring risk." This is underscored by just about every character in the book who are all about to jump into larger conflicts they don't understand from Crispin who is unprepared for the Sarantine court's political intrigues, to the emperor's plans to reconquer Rhodias, to the kindly alchemist who must confront the place where he learned his strange powers by the end of the book. Naturally being in such a position makes almost all of the characters varying degrees of wistful and introspective which is where the book derives most of its poetic power as the reveries the characters fall into are some of the best written sections of the book and get the reader to reflect on the temporary nature of things without forcing the reader to come to any singular conclusion.
From a more technical perspective, Kay has always described his works as "history with a quarter turn to fantasy" and so it's probably no surprise here that the name similarity between Sarantium and Byzantium is not a coincidence. The Sarantine Empire is a pretty exact recreation of the Byzantine Empire under the rule of Emperor Justinian right down to the importance of sports team fandoms in determining the course of politics (yes, really). It was especially interesting to read this work in particular because this is the first time I've actually had some familiarity with the era Kay has drawn on for inspiration and I had great fun sussing out which characters were analogues to the historical figures I could remember from this era. The world is also one of the most magical Kay has written so far, with strange creatures that are beyond mortal comprehension and alchemical powers that can create ensouled beings lending much intrigue to the world. The characters are also well drawn and varied though I was occasionally frustrated that though there are many interesting characters in the book, only Crispin's story is examined consistently. Other characters, even ones who are his important traveling companions on fascinating journeys of their own, tend to drop out of the narrative's focus even though they are still present. I know there is a second book but Crispin has had a full character arc while characters like Kasia only have a quarter of a journey and so they can feel frustratingly incomplete by the end.
One not quite weakness but definitely something I can tell will lose a lot of people is that this novel throws you in the deep end with the names and locations and concepts right away in a way Kay's other works I've read haven't done. Even for someone like me who more or less knows the era being written about, it was shockingly complicated to get a handle on the first chapter. I'd put it on par with the opening chapters of Malazan in terms of difficulty finding your initial bearings. Another flaw is that Crispin can also be a little too competent at times. Obviously he knows a great deal about mosaics (his specialty) but in the course of the novel he also proves to be a master schemer, incredibly socially adroit (to the point that he can stumble in to the Sarantine court and easily impress everyone there), a shrewd business person, a mechanical expert, a capable fighter, an irresistible ladies man, and can easily solve difficult puzzles involving things he's only seen once before without difficulty. It did strain credibility by the end even if I thought it didn't quite stray into Gary Stu territory. But despite those flaws, I truly loved this book and can't wait to read the next one.
62. The Way of Shadows by Brent Weeks, Book 1 of the Night Angel trilogy (70 on the 2019 list)
The orphan Azoth is taken in by Durzo Blint (editorial note: barely controlled laughter at this name) the most famous of the highest level of magical assassins known only as wetboys (editorial note: raging, uncontrollably laughter at this name). Renamed as Kylar Stern, he begins training to follow in Durzo's footsteps and become a professional assassin. There are only two things that stand in Kylar's way: he lacks the ability to use his magical talent in any way and an unknown enemy is plotting to overthrow the kingdom he lives in, Cenaria.
I'm not a fan of this book. Largely it's because I find Weeks' writing is lacking in most of the areas I really care about - areas like character and narrative cohesion. This is probably most notable in how Weeks employs timeskips throughout his writing and they, almost without fail, come at points that skip over conflicts or time periods that seemed like they were most likely to be interesting. A good example: Kylar is tasked with befriending Logan Gyre, a possible heir to the throne, because Logan might be a useful unknowing source for him in the future and he succeeds. I found myself really intrigued what would happen next. How is our assassin hero going to hide his purpose from the honorable heir while still maintaining a successful friendship? There's a serious conflict of interest there, whole narratives have been built out of characters who are torn between two loyalties trying to figure out how to remain faithful to both parties. Well I'll tell you how he does it: a sudden timeskip to several years later where they've just easily stayed friends without any tension and Logan never finds out Kylar's true role in this book. That is a disappointing approach to storytelling. This is matched with pretty flat characterization throughout. Most characters are one-dimensional, Kylar and Durzo manage to be two-dimensional but they're still pretty flat and don't really have emotional arcs that would help them stand out as characters. Well, Kylar does arguably have something of an emotional arc in the beginning when he first learns to kill which is why I think he edges into the "most developed character" position but past that he limps into a rather uninteresting arc of "I want to be a really good assassin" (no prizes for guessing how that arc resolves) and never really wrestles with any emotional turmoil again.
It's easy to see areas where this book has potential (there are a good number of cool ideas in it and the action is reliably solid) but the questionable approach to storytelling and extremely lame fantasy names make this book pretty groan-inducing. I don't know why Weeks thought the best name for a super magic assassin was "wetboy." I get that it comes from "wetwork" but did he never read it aloud? Did no agent or editor ever tell him that "wetboy" sounds more like an insult a 2nd grader might come up with than a serious name for something? And that's without even getting into whatever bad ideas made "Durzo Blint" happen. This character manages to have 19 (19!) named aliases and while I don't imagine "Pips McClawski" or "Zak Eurthkin" would have been great names to go with either, they somehow all manage to be slightly better than "Durzo Blint."
When the action finally gets going in the final third, it is well done and if more of the book had been closer in tone and execution to the climax (particularly in the tension created when Kylar is forced to face down Durzo as an enemy, I think I wouldn't be so negative about this book. However, a major twist wherein Kylar becomes immortal and gains an incredible level of magical power that enables him to easily overpower his own mentor in seconds seriously took all of the remaining tension out of the rest of the book and makes me wonder how any future book can stay interesting. To me, this book reads like a collection of ideas the author thought were really cool rather than a real story and while some of the ideas are indeed cool (though some are very much trying to hard and fall flat), I'm not sure cool ideas can make up for what I see as pretty serious failings in prose, plot, and characterization. People tell me that Brent Weeks didn't come into his own as an author until the Lightbringer series and I certainly hope that's the case because I would hate to read another book that's on the same level as Way of Shadows.
60. Furies of Calderon by Jim Butcher, Book 1 of Codex Alera (60 on the 2019 list)
On the world of Alera, humans having only survived for as long as they have because of their bond with elemental beings called furies. Tavi, a young farmboy, has no fury and believes he will never receive one since he is well past the age of being able to receive one. His perceived failure leads him to act out to impress others leading to a situation that imperils his uncle when scouts from an invading army wound his uncle. It is up to Tavi, with the help of an imperial courier named Amara to alert the country to the impending invasion and save Alera.
The book that was famously written on a dare that Butcher couldn't make a good story out of two bad ideas. The two ideas he was given to work with were 1) the lost Roman legion and 2) Pokemon. Honestly, I think whoever made this bet with Butcher could have come up with worse ideas. "You want some bad ideas? Well I've got some bad ideas. How about you take this millennia old mystery that has fascinated countless writers throughout history and combine it with one of the most marketable and successful multimedia franchises of the past 30 years? Good luck succeeding with those ideas, Jim." But even if the ideas are not as terrible as the unknown bettor believed, the resulting mix still works far better than it had any right to be. The characters are all likable, the pacing is solid, and the plot is interesting. That's not to say this is the greatest book ever, I think it's basically just a solid read, but for a popcorn novel you can do a lot worse. There are some clever twists in there and the bad guys especially prove to be fairly interesting in how competent and human they are which does elevate the book somewhat. This book isn't as good as anything I've read in the Dresden Files, the easiest thing to compare it to since its Butcher's other major series, but I still enjoyed it.
If there are weaknesses in this book, I'd say the major one is that some of the twists are telegraphed a little too clearly. By the fourth time Aldrick mentions that no one but Araris Valerian could beat him with a sword, you really should have put it together that Valerian will definitely appear in this book. By the tenth time he says it, you should have asked yourself "okay which of the characters that I've already met is Valerian?" at least a few times. I also read that Butcher worked hard to make Tavi completely different from his other big protagonist, Harry Dresden, but I'm not sure he really succeeded there because Tavi is still a clever wiseass with an authority problem who is easily distracted by women. I don't think it's a flaw that Tavi has a few major similarities with Dresden but if it was Butcher's intent for him to be the opposite of Dresden, I don't think he he made them quite as different as he thinks.
So it's a decent read with a few rocky patches. I certainly found it easy to read many chapters in a single sitting even if I wound up having a lot less to say about the book overall. Soft recommend if you know you like the Dresden Files and want to see its author tackle a more traditional fantasy world.
And that's it for this month! Be sure to check back same time next month. As always, feel free to comment with your thoughts on any of these books and their respective series. Contrary opinions are especially welcome as I'd like to know what people saw in these series that I didn't.
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Mage Powers (Class Powers 2)

Just did princes, now I'm gonna do mages. Gonna work through all the 12 aspects, starting with Breath and working around the wheel to Hope, just to keep things consistent. Sorry if your particular one is short, but sometimes a class and aspect work too well together and that makes extrapolating difficult because what you should be doing seems too obvious. I try to counterract those biases as much I can, but if I can't you can always add in the comments below. Obviously, I think someone with the specific classpect should have say over me. I mean what do I think I am, OD? I would OD on heroin before I ever compared myself to OD. Alright, I'm going to stop Daveing now. Enjoy your superpowers
Mages know their aspect better than anybody else, and they know when to make sacrifices regarding it. They know when to hold back and when to plow straight ahead, and when things are more nuanced. They know stuff, man. As such, I'm gonna have to pull out all of whatever knowledge I have on each of these topics and go balls to the wall
Mage of Breath
He who sacrifices - freedom for comfort deserves neither. Breath players of this class can shed light on the topics that keep their teammates bound to their undesired fates, including unhealthy dependencies. With their leadership skills as breath players, they could figure out how to speak people's language in getting them to overcome substance abuse, electronics, factors outside their control, or otherwise, and show them what all there is to life. In other words, they know when to sacrifice freedom of action for freedom of choice. By this point the Mage themself knows what all there is to life, and that stress and responsibility shouldn't be feared because you have the power and there's a greater force there with you along the way (Breath and spirit are synonymous, in case anyone didn't know), or other wise you just know there's no reason to get hung up on things in life and that's what drives you forward
Let my people go - Mages generate and spread their aspect around, and the Breath aspect is the most pervasive of the bunch. Their presence could spread throughout the land in spirit and free people from whatever bondage holds them. Forgive me for treating mages purely like saints so far, I'll get into combat abilities in a second
Blood into Breath - the heir of breath might bellyache whenever he doesn't have the freedom to do what he wants, but a mage knows when they have to become trapped to truly be free. As such, they know how to deal with people and when to make commitments that will ultimately benefit whatever lifestyle they desire
Curse magic - ...and as such, they also know when to make the ultimate sacrifice. A mage will be the first to take immediate action if, say, a stipulation on the freedom of the party means selling one's self into slavery. They can use this principle and apply it to themselves whenever they wish. Then, when they make the ultimate sacrifice, they could generate rivers of corruption and blood through the air like wind current, a complete unification of their aspect and its compliment, with the unyielding force of a million typhoons in Jupiter's red spot. The winds of a planet with a density and atmosphere nobody has ever seen, even dreamed of. The art would be like a comprehensive mix of Salvador Dali and Vincent van Goh, a swirling majestic mandlebrot set of cascading, glowing crimson winds and a burgeoning white core where the enemy is being torn to shreds
Like the Heir, the mage is given a choice to sacrifice themselves. The only difference is the Heir sacrifices their aspect while a Mage is sacrificed to their aspect. As a result, an heir ultimately generates more of their aspect, whereas a mage brings about its compliment to "overcome" their aspect. What this means is that the ultimate "contract" they make would probably not be anything like selling themselves into slavery, but quite the opposite. More like a complete dissolving of one's consciousness to the extent that their ultimate self dissolves along with them. It's not a reduction to void, it's just life moving on to make new Life. Breath is kind of a renewal aspect, a refresher. As such I think one who truly experiences Breath will have their consciousness refreshed, or reborn
Mage of Life
Chad energy - sorry, I had to. Not sure how else to say it, these guys know about self improvement and how to not let rough times get you down. They can become one with pain and ENJOY IT, all for the sake of those gains
You can do anything bro, just keep at it bro - Chad can motivate anyone. Fuck, I guess I'm just calling this guy Chad now. Whatever. Chad is the personal trainer you always dreamed of, where somehow their words of encouragement bring out your own inner Chad. You have an inner Chad?! You bet you do! I used to be just like you, you know! You just gotta have confidence. How do you get confidence you say?! Well you gotta appreciate who you are! Love yourself first, or else who are you improving yourself for?! Treat yourself right with the right diet, eat lots of healt--
oh my god I need to stop
Conscious regeneration - you see, here's the thing: Chad has been working out for so long, he fully understands how muscle regeneration works by now, and can even consciously control it. After god tiering, he can apply this same principle to bone, skin, organs, nerves, and whatever else. Eventually they will start regenerating entire limbs back bigger and better than ever, like some sort of lizard or...Thad...
Insane anatomical knowledge - okay, I'm going to go ahead and leave Chad out of this one for obvious reasons. Basically this mage can immediately sense where something's wrong in the body of a plant, animal, person, god, whatever. They can tell with one wince of pain where it's coming from...somehow. and then like a master surgeon they can assemble anything they need to take care of it. And they have powers too so that makes it extra easy
Ultimate sacrifice - this won't be easy for our strapping young Chad, but he knows it's necessary. In order to gain true strength, he must foresake his gains and youth at his peak and give it to his teammates so they can multiply it and he can recieve the ultimate gains: spiritual gains
I'm sorry but can someone like put Chad in a mage of life outfit or something that would be the sickest thing ever
Mage of Light
Study guide - can make any complicated information digestible for the common man, and in kind they can do the same for themselves. Even if Doc Scratch is having one of the most long-winded, ego-centric, thesaurus-bombing monologues to ever grace Paradox Space, they would read it all just as easily as a SparkNotes synopsis without even having to highlight the text
Unfettered focus - the mage of light has a strong comprehension of focus and reality and knows because of that not to rely on it, as it seldom ever goes your way. What this means is they don't fear failure nor to they feel compelled to distract themselves from reality, making inhibiting their focus or lowering their accuracy is completely impossible
Godspeed - since mages not only understand their aspect but understand through their aspect, a high god tier mage of light would be able to perceive and react to events at the speed of light, faster than even their own brains. As a result the mage could start fighting before they realize a fight is even going on
Zero constants - the mage of light knows that all is connected in life and everything is in constant flux, and can utilize life's lack of absolutes to their advantage. Because it's straight-up factual that ideas and materiality are aspects of the same unified structure in Homestuck, the mage can interract with the material world with their ideas, causing events to flow in a certain direction by command of their will. What this will look like for anyone playing with them in a session is that their fortune just keeps on getting better and better as the game goes on as the mage becomes better and stronger and directing the current of fortune
Skaia Ascension - when the mage of light becomes "awakened", they share a consciousness with that of Skaia. As a result they may never want a new universe as their existence is rooted firmly in Sburb, but this opens up possibilities for them that they would not have had otherwise. It's like a tabula rasa new beginning, where they will live out the remainder of their natural existence as an in-game construct, guiding future players and increasing the baseline luck of all future sessions
Mage of Time
Okay this one's fucking cool. I'm starting to get the sense that all time players are
Multitasking - the Mage of time is the best at managing time of any time player, and thus they can focus on multiple different things at once. They can hold someone at gunpoint, send an important plot point back in time, kick a rock down a hill to trigger a future plot twist, and complete their shopping list all at once. Due to thr unique way they experience time, they see time laid out before them all at once in one space, past and future separated by the proximity of that space. Because of this, consolidating multiple items and points of reference connected to completely different points in time into one place doesn't make much of a difference for them. It's how they've been perceiving time their whole life, with the weight of the future constantly bearing down on them
Self-inception - the mage continuously gives rise to themselves in the future to the past, meaning they're constantly saving their own ass and will know exactly when they're gonna die. They're used to it at this point and honestly the only thing that weirds them out about the whole time player schtick is actual time travel itself, because they're used to only dealing with one future self dropping hints the future
Time capsule: every day the mage wakes up and takes something left there for them days/months/years ago when they predicted that day. They will remember every day before living them, if not from the start of their life then from the start of their session
Eternity vision - in times of crisis, the mage will see the future events play out before them like a hall of mirrors, with the present approaching them like a tidal wave, and they have to find out how to prevent it. If they turn around to also view the past, and then themselves in the present, they can stare directly into eternity itself
Ultimate prophet: has already experienced time entirely once through, and it loops right back around to their existence. They are time, but they are one person. As such, they can vaguely remember just about anything a part of their individual experience. Any time they're forced to do something they don't want to, they're like "oh yeah, this part sucks. Damn it" and same thing with good things, they're like "oh fuck yeah this is the part where I get to dick around in the dream bubbles for 3000 years until my next reincarnation. See ya losers later". Not quite sollux yet, but we're getting there
I dunno, uh - they sacrifice all their memories, and in return they inherit the future? Interpret that however you wish, I would like to leave this particular classpect more open ended
Mage of Heart
Catching a bit of a break here with a canon mage
Matchmaking - shipping but in real life
And that's all the break I can really hope for
Reduction in bias - the mage knows themself so well, they've learned to pick up on when they're being unfair with handling information. It's like an alarm goes off in their head that says "hey, you're playing favorites". Because of this their sense of self remains about as clear and undivided as a sense of self can be, and because of that they hardly ever splinter and add to their ultimate self
"Undivided as they can be" - that being said, this mage knows better than anyone else that there is no such thing as an undivided sense of self. In fact, the whole idea of a sense of self is based in the idea that you're separate from the world around you, when in fact the world around you shapes you just as much as your world within. As such, at times the mage of heart may speak in terms that seem incomprehensible and paradoxical, as they are both aware of and accept the fact that oftentimes they carry two diametrically opposing views on the same issue, and this doesn't perturb them at all. It's simply that there's an order to things in life, an ebb and flow, and if you just let yourself be part of that instead of trying to overcome that, you're going to form a much more comprehensible internal identity even if it makes no sense to anyone else
Master of both worlds - what this ends up looking like is that the mage of heart has full access to their own potential as a person. Unfettered by matters of internal conflict, they know exactly what works for them and what doesn't. They know when to set aside their beliefs and when to adhere to them, a time to live and a time to die. They know that they don't end with themselves, so they have no problems throwing themselves under the bus for the greater good. It's entirely possible that this is what led meulin to believing in clown stuff - she needed to in order to facilitate the existence of Lord English, so she surrendered her will willingly to that path
Drop in the ocean - we can't forget one of the biggest major recurring themes with heart players: they're usually in love. But with a mage of heart, they've probably been around the block enough times to know that standard romance isn't gonna cut it for them, if we're to use Meu x Kur as our baseline point of reference for how mage of heart relationships technically go. No, I think they're destined for something greater, a higher power to become enraptured by. When expressed unhealthily, you start worshipping clown gods, but with a good and clear conscience that sort of drive would probably express itself more in the love of reality unfolding moment by moment. Since mages often lust after their complimentary aspect, they would probably express a love for the world around them to the extent that it wraps back around to them...if that makes any sense. Just, you know, more zen shit
Ego death - the mage has stopped self-identifying entirely. Heart and mind are one, and like an unbroken circuit their consciousness flows around them and through them but doesn't necessarily attach itself to them. Because of this killing them is very hard, as they possess the unique ability to...possess. they can literally reform themselves with new matter in a separate location from their main body, as they no longer have any attachment to that one body. They and the world are one
This may seem like a breath ability, but that's just because most of these will have that element to them. The way I see it, Mage is the Blood class, and thus their goal is always to become unbound by their aspect via suffering through it. The conclusion of blood is breath and vice versa, so that's what you're gonna see a lot of here
True ego death - like the idea with time players, the mage burns off all sense of definition and materiality relating to their existence, destroying their own mind and reducing themselves down to pureness of spirit as their own version of a sacrifice. We call this point in spirituality the "dissolution of the ego" - the post-enlightenment dissolving of the self into the divine whatever. They would be writing themselves out of the story to escape the canonicity of their identity and truly be free. What this means though is for a certain amount of time, they will begin to identify with everything and channel the power of the "over soul" of the universe to attack. Yeah, you might want to dodge that attack if you ever fight them
Mage of Rage
The amygdala is a strange and wonderful place - fear, anxiety, anger, but also...lust. Think of how Terezi was somehow able to date Gamzee without constantly vomiting. No matter how gross and crude, Rage players are somehow alluring to people, and the mage understands and knows how to utilize this better than anyone. Let's call this ability SEDUCE. Remember to use it during Rev's Town of Nowhere streams on Noah
Reality's a bitch - their bitch, to be precise. The mage of rage yearns for hope but in their quest for that they've become very adept and resourceful to work through whatever cruddy situation(s) got them classpected as a rage player to begin with. They are intimate with reality right down to the laws of physics, and you know they're reaching the top of Jacob's ladder EVERY time, cause they aren't letting anything stop them from reaching the heavens
Zero-point focus - on the flipside of standard mindfulness meditation where you spread your focus on the world around you, you have concentration meditation where you zero in on one point and don't allow yourself to drift away. These guys can cut daggers into you for hours as they zero in on your face, thinking about nothing but how much they want to beat you up. In a screwed up sort of way, this is how they find their zen since it makes them feel motivated, fired up and moving in a single, determined direction
Oh, you know they get off to it, let's not mince words here. Mages typically have the vibe of a mature teacher who's overcome the follies of life, and while the rage player definitely has that, they like to have fun. Red or black, I bet you they're into bdsm. It's a very spiritual experience for them though, cause I mean's hard to explain. So like there's this guy my friend once met at a bdsm club who liked being crucified, and he believes Jesus got him into the hobby when he appeared to him one time? Like no joke he claims to have seen a vision where Jesus was like "see that cross over there? Turns out it's actually really fun, you should try it." Yeah...that guy is a Mage of Rage alright. Asceticism could work, but I feel like that word doesn't have a broad enough definition for what all the mage of rage could experience. They show and receive love through pain, and you know what? Nothing wrong with that. Just make sure you have a safe word
I'm sorry, was that all my explanation for zero-point focus? Man no wonder it's been two days already since I started writing this. I'm not just Daveing at this point, I'm Dirking with my colossal inability to shut up
Important point is: Zero-point focus gives you unrivaled combat abilities. Like ultra instinct, as Rage powers are based in the survival instinct they say UI is connected to in Dragon Ball Super. You turn into Shaggy when you use this to it's greatest extent, no joke
Reality is a FINE bitch - a mage of rage will eventually come to surrender to reality as they will come to realize that through pain and limitations, anything is possible. They will see reality from the perspective of the reality that created it, and see that everything is constantly in order. Their fear and uncertainty will dissolve as they realize that nothing has ever been certain. They have no reason to be mad because there's never a reason not to be mad. Nothing will ever go your way even if things line up so that it looks that way, everything is simply following reality including you. It is a gift to even be able to exist in that world
Pure of heart and awoken by fury - when the mage hits their breaking point, they will completely surrender to reality to get things done, and that means they go super saiyan. They can't worry about what's realistic and what's not anymore, they just have to do whatever needs to get done in order to stop whatever madness brought them to resorting to using this ability
What you probably won't realize at the time of using this ability because you're so focused on helping your friends, beating some bad guy, or whatever the heck it is, is that the only reason your mind is so undivided in this case is that this is a rare instance where reality actually agrees with you. You're a mage of rage, your will has no identity separate from reality, you can't possibly act against it no matter how hard you try. You were built by reality to care about the things you do, and when you realize that nothing simply doesn't matter and reality isn't empty and meaningless, that is when you will find your peace of mind as the Mage of Rage
Mage of Blood
Super Empath: a trait sort of shared by their heart counterparts? The only difference is, heart players know how to bring out the potential in people whereas blood players know how to work people through the issues that they're already going through. They can get you through the here and now, tell you what you need to hear instead of what you want to hear like a heart player. A heart player gets you, but a blood player gets you
Easygoing - yeah, actually. Even though these people are total workaholics and constantly engaged in the real world and managing people, they're completely comfortable with it and find their lifestyle very rewarding. You know, like an anime girl with 20 siblings or something. You know what I'm talking about
Volunteer at a homeless shelter - I--I'm sorry, aren't these supposed to be superpowers?! I mean, these are all supposed to be abilities of someone fluent in being earth-bound (or home-stuck, heheh), so it makes sense that they would be more limited and realistic, but...??? Come on, we can do better than this
SUPER homeless shelter - this mage is so good at allocating people and resources, they can create entire self-sustaining homeless communities that are capable of supporting each other by factoring in their individual abilities. Eventually you have a community of entrepreneurs who can actually work for a living, and anyone who isn't homeless because they have no social security number can start really providing for those who could never work because of situations like that. This mage can turn dozens of complete strangers into family with the power of blood, this human emotion you call friendship
Power of Friendship - can't do what the heir of blood can do and call out into the soul lf an omega death god for their friends or pull the right card in a children's card game tournament if their friends believe in them, but I'll do heirs next. The mage of blood can instead use the power of friendship in a more literal way, and form the ultimate party teamwork with every in-game exploit utilized and magnified to its utmost potential through combined effort. They are the wise chief who tells the two quarreling young boys to first break a stick on its own, then gather tons more sticks, bundle them together, and then try to do the same. Alone we are human, together we are gods
I FIGHT FOR MY FRIENDS shit, wait, no, that's the heir of blood again. I keep confusing those two
MY FRIENDS FIGHT FOR ME - unlike the heir who will come into their own when they're able to channel all of their friends' abilities through their own body, a Mage will instead sacrifice themselves in order to give their power to their allies. This could, in theory, allow them to perform fusions and become one solitary fighter composed of multiple individuals. Similar effect to the heir of blood, it's just active fusing vs passive channeling
Mage of Doom
FIINALLY, iit2 our BOY. you know exactly what iim goiing two do wiith thi2 one
Stealth Chad energy - there's no avoiding this after my life player analysis. No way no how. How do we even describe this? He's just cool as fuck. A hacker with a powerful no-nonsense attitude and a chill that not even Karkat can overpower with his big words. I guess what I'm trying to say is that sollux is 100%, purebred, tried-and-true gamer material. Absolute gaming legend, I tell you
Multiple lives - I don't think this is a gemini or a goldblood thing, I think every mage of Doom has a few spares to burn up. They'll need 'em
Voices of the imminently deceased - can hear death before it happens, yes yes, the voiice2, we all know this
Meteor pushing - okay, yes, we get it, this is a canon classpect. What about god tiers and people who aren't psiionics though?
Fate reassignment - the Mage of Doom can tap into the forces of punishment, destruction, and undoing and redirect all of that negative energy towards them. They've been haunted by the idea of Doom their whole lives, so being completely torn apart by it is quite liberating for them. They can finally face all of their worst fears head-on and overcome them, even if overcoming them means being completely defeated. So yeah, they die for your sins, and theirs too. after that, their existence sh0uld be pretty chill
Heaven - as a Mage of Doom, you will come to experience all the negative karma you've built up, meaning you will be the first to move past it and escape karmic misfortune. Chances are that means you will become irrelevant, but you'll have a sweet life anyway.
Mage of Void
Elmo is already here - you can just randomly guess things about future events without even meaning to. You just come up with predictions completely out of nowhere
Karmic disattachment - the mage is usually all but completely uninvolved in the affairs of the plot, remaining unaffected by important events so that factors outside of people's scope of influence continue to be perpetuated. So say John does the retcon, right? Kinda like how Roxy survived the retcon by hugging John, a mage of void simply wouldn't notice it happen, and remain unaffected because of it
Ultimate Void - whenever a mage of void experiences an event, that event is solidified. The only experience they can ever have is that of canon because they aren't caught up in uncertainty, they just are. Paradoxically, their existence is more solidly defined because they don't deny the uncertainty that is, and because of that if a mage of void were to walk near Ultimate!Dirk nearly all of his splinters would disappear except the ones that coexist in the same timeline. The certainty of the mage's existence would override the uncertainty of Dirk's, if that makes sense
Inscrutable wisdom: a mage of void talks in paradoxes because they speak without initiative or bias, they just say whatever comes first intuitively. Because of this they end up speaking in riddles and paradoxes, they understand the logic they're speaking by just fine though. And, ultimately, you will find that they're somehow right
Potential energy canon - the Mage can merge all potential energy from all possible timelines into one place of certainty for an all-out attack. The consolidation of their focus into one place though throws that focus off of themselves, and what that leads to is a complete dissipation of ego. They can perceive themselves in all dimensions, timelines, and canons as an outside observer. They have achieved a level beyond even Ultimate Self: Ultimate No-Self
Mage of Space
Cataloging - you know where everything is at all times, because your mind is a magical bank full of neatly sorted directories of everything in your existence. You always know if someone stole something or if there's something canonically out of place. You will probably be put in charge of reorganizing causality in some way, like cleaning up any loose ends caused by time travel or retcon junk
4th dimensional vision - similar to the mage of time, but not quite. They see time as the fabric of space that shifts around and is connected to multiple different things. They see what plot points are connected, but not how or why. So a lot of being this mage is just waiting around and seeing what happens
FTL travel - they understand space so well they can basically reach out and touch it, and because of this they figure out how to travel via tesseract pretty easily
Path of least resistance - since space players can see how things are connected like that, they always know where to go to make the most out of the energy they use. They fully understand the passive side of the wheel and thus should actually be able to practically apply stuff like aikido
Omnipresence - become one with the universe, and for a short while while you still have your identity, use the universe to kick some ass. I dunno, I'm kind of blanking on this one. Maybe you could exhile yourself with the villain, like the fourth hokage or something?
Mage of Mind
Knows all potential outcomes of their session before they even begin - will probably speak of it in riddles, like "should the heir choose to buy the rumpled hat, he'll truly learn what it means to pass gas (???)"
Look man, Terezi is the only metric we have for discerning mind player personalities at this point, so I can't be held accountable for the kind of things they say
Risk Radar - has a perfectly tuned gut, basically. If their gut says don't do it, DON'T DO IT
Point and click magic - you know how you can't progress in point and click adventure games until you have everything you need for the plot later? Yeah, this mage is that. They somehow always know everything they need to take along even if they don't know why, but they know when they reach that point they'll know. They're just always prepared, man
Perfect read - their opponents actions are so obvious to them that it's almost as if they're constantly being narrated to them. "I'm about to throw a jab-cross! Now left hook!" And it's all timed well in advance. Very similar to the rage ultra instinct, but more active and less passive
Plea Bargain - the mage negotiates with the law of karma itself to get the bad guys punished more and their friends punished less, in exchange for their mortal coil. They're probably in a robot or something, connecting via ultimate self to the laws of reality. Ultimately they will probably be happier in whatever form they take, and take on a role of mandating reality for the rest of their lives
Mage of Hope
At long last, this list took me way too long. Mages are so counterintuitive, heirs are gonna be so much easier
Enjoys challenge - a downside for this mage, as they experience so much hope to the degree that it's crippling or boring for them. They will often give themselves handicaps only to succeed anyway, and were probably encouraged not to succeed once upon a time cause someone was asshurt that they kept beating them at everything
Prodigal son - probably takes things for granted because of this, and eventually they lose everything due to their carelessness. After this, they learn not to take anything for granted
Grace - can give any session a second chance, no matter what the failure condition they can erase it. They were probably given hope in times of darkness and now they have the power to give that to their session. They can also just generally relieve people of karmic debt through the power of faith and love
Can literally do anything - the mage understands hope better than anyone, meaning they understand the power to do anything better than anyone. They also when not to use it too, they are responsible omnipotent dudes
By faith alone - the mage will stop eating, drinking, and taking care of themselves so they can become fully enraptured by Hope--let them. This will kill them, but the fact that it happened means that that path is open for anything that results from your session, meaning the new universe will be filled with hope
Ay geeze that was a long one. As I said before, heirs next after I give my brain a rest. This one was probably the hardest one I'll do, bards and pages will probably be easiest so I'll save those for last. Seers or witches will probably be second hardest after this one, so I'm thinking of doing one of those after heir and then after that I'll see
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To Kill A Mockingbird by Harper Lee (chapter one)

When he was nearly thirteen, my brother Jem got his arm badly broken at the elbow. When it healed, and Jem's fears of never being able to play football were assuaged, he was seldom self-conscious about his injury. His left arm was somewhat shorter than his right; when he stood or walked, the back of his hand was at right angles to his body, his thumb parallel to his thigh. He couldn't have cared less, so long as he could pass and punt.
When enough years had gone by to enable us to look back on them, we sometimes discussed the events leading to his accident. I maintain that the Ewells started it all, but Jem, who was four years my senior, said it started long before that. He said it began the summer Dill came to us, when Dill first gave us the idea of making Boo Radley come out.
I said if he wanted to take a broad view of the thing, it really began with Andrew Jackson. If General Jackson hadn't run the Creeks up the creek, Simon Finch would never have paddled up the Alabama, and where would we be if he hadn't? We were far too old to settle an argument with a fist-fight, so we consulted Atticus. Our father said we were both right.
Being Southerners, it was a source of shame to some members of the family that we had no recorded ancestors on either side of the Battle of Hastings. All we had was Simon Finch, a fur-trapping apothecary from Cornwall whose piety was exceeded only by his stinginess. In England, Simon was irritated by the persecution of those who called themselves Methodists at the hands of their more liberal brethren, and as Simon called himself a Methodist, he worked his way across the Atlantic to Philadelphia, thence to Jamaica, thence to Mobile, and up the Saint Stephens. Mindful of John Wesley's strictures on the use of many words in buying and selling, Simon made a pile practicing medicine, but in this pursuit he was unhappy lest he be tempted into doing what he knew was not for the glory of God, as the putting on of gold and costly apparel. So Simon, having forgotten his teacher's dictum on the possession of human chattels, bought three slaves and with their aid established a homestead on the banks of the Alabama River some forty miles above Saint Stephens. He returned to Saint Stephens only once, to find a wife, and with her established a line that ran high to daughters. Simon lived to an impressive age and died rich.
It was customary for the men in the family to remain on Simon's homestead, Finch's Landing, and make their living from cotton. The place was self-sufficient: modest in comparison with the empires around it, the Landing nevertheless produced everything required to sustain life except ice, wheat flour, and articles of clothing, supplied by river-boats from Mobile.
Simon would have regarded with impotent fury the disturbance between the North and the South, as it left his descendants stripped of everything but their land, yet the tradition of living on the land remained unbroken until well into the twentieth century, when my father, Atticus Finch, went to Montgomery to read law, and his younger brother went to Boston to study medicine. Their sister Alexandra was the Finch who remained at the Landing: she married a taciturn man who spent most of his time lying in a hammock by the river wondering if his trot-lines were full.
When my father was admitted to the bar, he returned to Maycomb and began his practice. Maycomb, some twenty miles east of Finch's Landing, was the county seat of Maycomb County. Atticus's office in the courthouse contained little more than a hat rack, a spittoon, a checkerboard and an unsullied Code of Alabama. His first two clients were the last two persons hanged in the Maycomb County jail. Atticus had urged them to accept the state's generosity in allowing them to plead Guilty to second-degree murder and escape with their lives, but they were Haverfords, in Maycomb County a name synonymous with jackass. The Haverfords had dispatched Maycomb's leading blacksmith in a misunderstanding arising from the alleged wrongful detention of a mare, were imprudent enough to do it in the presence of three witnesses, and insisted that the-son-of-a-bitch-had-it-coming-to-him was a good enough defense for anybody. They persisted in pleading Not Guilty to first-degree murder, so there was nothing much Atticus could do for his clients except be present at their departure, an occasion that was probably the beginning of my father's profound distaste for the practice of criminal law.
During his first five years in Maycomb, Atticus practiced economy more than anything; for several years thereafter he invested his earnings in his brother's education. John Hale Finch was ten years younger than my father, and chose to study medicine at a time when cotton was not worth growing; but after getting Uncle Jack started, Atticus derived a reasonable income from the law. He liked Maycomb, he was Maycomb County born and bred; he knew his people, they knew him, and because of Simon Finch's industry, Atticus was related by blood or marriage to nearly every family in the town.
Maycomb was an old town, but it was a tired old town when I first knew it. In rainy weather the streets turned to red slop; grass grew on the sidewalks, the courthouse sagged in the square. Somehow, it was hotter then: a black dog suffered on a summer's day; bony mules hitched to Hoover carts flicked flies in the sweltering shade of the live oaks on the square. Men's stiff collars wilted by nine in the morning. Ladies bathed before noon, after their three-o'clock naps, and by nightfall were like soft teacakes with frostings of sweat and sweet talcum.
People moved slowly then. They ambled across the square, shuffled in and out of the stores around it, took their time about everything. A day was twenty-four hours long but seemed longer. There was no hurry, for there was nowhere to go, nothing to buy and no money to buy it with, nothing to see outside the boundaries of Maycomb County.
But it was a time of vague optimism for some of the people: Maycomb County had recently been told that it had nothing to fear but fear itself.
We lived on the main residential street in town- Atticus, Jem and I, plus Calpurnia our cook. Jem and I found our father satisfactory: he played with us, read to us, and treated us with courteous detachment.
Calpurnia was something else again. She was all angles and bones; she was nearsighted; she squinted; her hand was wide as a bed slat and twice as hard. She was always ordering me out of the kitchen, asking me why I couldn't behave as well as Jem when she knew he was older, and calling me home when I wasn't ready to come. Our battles were epic and one-sided. Calpurnia always won, mainly because Atticus always took her side. She had been with us ever since Jem was born, and I had felt her tyrannical presence as long as I could remember.
Our mother died when I was two, so I never felt her absence. She was a Graham from Montgomery; Atticus met her when he was first elected to the state legislature. He was middle-aged then, she was fifteen years his junior. Jem was the product of their first year of marriage; four years later I was born, and two years later our mother died from a sudden heart attack. They said it ran in her family. I did not miss her, but I think Jem did. He remembered her clearly, and sometimes in the middle of a game he would sigh at length, then go off and play by himself behind the car-house. When he was like that, I knew better than to bother him.
When I was almost six and Jem was nearly ten, our summertime boundaries (within calling distance of Calpurnia) were Mrs. Henry Lafayette Dubose's house two doors to the north of us, and the Radley Place three doors to the south. We were never tempted to break them. The Radley Place was inhabited by an unknown entity the mere description of whom was enough to make us behave for days on end; Mrs. Dubose was plain hell.
That was the summer Dill came to us.
Early one morning as we were beginning our day's play in the back yard, Jem and I heard something next door in Miss Rachel Haverford's collard patch. We went to the wire fence to see if there was a puppy- Miss Rachel's rat terrier was expecting- instead we found someone sitting looking at us. Sitting down, he wasn't much higher than the collards. We stared at him until he spoke:
"Hey yourself," said Jem pleasantly.
"I'm Charles Baker Harris," he said. "I can read."
"So what?" I said.
"I just thought you'd like to know I can read. You got anything needs readin' I can do it...."
"How old are you," asked Jem, "four-and-a-half?"
"Goin' on seven."
"Shoot no wonder, then," said Jem, jerking his thumb at me. "Scout yonder's been readin' ever since she was born, and she ain't even started to school yet. You look right puny for goin' on seven."
"I'm little but I'm old," he said.
Jem brushed his hair back to get a better look. "Why don't you come over, Charles Baker Harris?" he said. "Lord, what a name."
"'s not any funnier'n yours. Aunt Rachel says your name's Jeremy Atticus Finch."
Jem scowled. "I'm big enough to fit mine," he said. "Your name's longer'n you are. Bet it's a foot longer."
"Folks call me Dill," said Dill, struggling under the fence.
"Do better if you go over it instead of under it," I said.
Where'd you come from?
Dill was from Meridian, Mississippi, was spending the summer with his aunt, Miss Rachel, and would be spending every summer in Maycomb from now on. His family was from Maycomb County originally, his mother worked for a photographer in Meridian, had entered his picture in a Beautiful Child contest and won five dollars. She gave the money to Dill, who went to the picture show twenty times on it.
"Don't have any picture shows here, except Jesus ones in the courthouse sometimes," said Jem. "Ever see anything good?"
Dill had seen ®Dracula,¯ * a revelation that moved Jem to eye him with the beginning of respect. "Tell it to us," he said.
Dill was a curiosity. He wore blue linen shorts that buttoned to his shirt, his hair was snow white and stuck to his head like duckfluff; he was a year my senior but I towered over him. As he told us the old tale his blue eyes would lighten and darken; his laugh was sudden and happy; he habitually pulled at a cowlick in the center of his forehead.
When Dill reduced Dracula to dust, and Jem said the show sounded better than the book, I asked Dill where his father was: "You ain't said anything about him."
"I haven't got one."
"Is he dead?"
"Then if he's not dead you've got one, haven't you?"
Dill blushed and Jem told me to hush, a sure sign that Dill had been studied and found acceptable. Thereafter the summer passed in routine contentment. Routine contentment was: improving our treehouse that rested between giant twin chinaberry trees in the back yard, fussing, running through our list of dramas based on the works of Oliver Optic, Victor Appleton, and Edgar Rice Burroughs. In this matter we were lucky to have Dill. He played the character parts formerly thrust upon me- the ape in ®Tarzan,¯ Mr. Crabtree in ®The Rover Boys,¯ Mr. Damon in ®Tom Swift.¯ Thus we came to know Dill as a pocket Merlin, whose head teemed with eccentric plans, strange longings, and quaint fancies.
But by the end of August our repertoire was vapid from countless reproductions, and it was then that Dill gave us the idea of making Boo Radley come out.
The Radley Place fascinated Dill. In spite of our warnings and explanations it drew him as the moon draws water, but drew him no nearer than the light-pole on the corner, a safe distance from the Radley gate. There he would stand, his arm around the fat pole, staring and wondering.
The Radley Place jutted into a sharp curve beyond our house. Walking south, one faced its porch; the sidewalk turned and ran beside the lot. The house was low, was once white with a deep front porch and green shutters, but had long ago darkened to the color of the slate-gray yard around it. Rain-rotted shingles drooped over the eaves of the veranda; oak trees kept the sun away. The remains of a picket drunkenly guarded the front yard- a "swept" yard that was never swept-where johnson grass and rabbit-tobacco grew in abundance.
Inside the house lived a malevolent phantom. People said he existed, but Jem and I had never seen him. People said he went out at night when the moon was down, and peeped in windows. When people's azaleas froze in a cold snap, it was because he had breathed on them. Any stealthy small crimes committed in Maycomb were his work. Once the town was terrorized by a series of morbid nocturnal events: people's chickens and household pets were found mutilated; although the culprit was Crazy Addie, who eventually drowned himself in Barker's Eddy, people still looked at the Radley Place, unwilling to discard their initial suspicions. A Negro would not pass the Radley Place at night, he would cut across to the sidewalk opposite and whistle as he walked. The Maycomb school grounds adjoined the back of the Radley lot; from the Radley chickenyard tall pecan trees shook their fruit into the schoolyard, but the nuts lay untouched by the children: Radley pecans would kill you. A baseball hit into the Radley yard was a lost ball and no questions asked.
The misery of that house began many years before Jem and I were born. The Radleys, welcome anywhere in town, kept to themselves, a predilection unforgivable in Maycomb. They did not go to church, Maycomb's principal recreation, but worshiped at home; Mrs. Radley seldom if ever crossed the street for a mid-morning coffee break with her neighbors, and certainly never joined a missionary circle.
Mr. Radley walked to town at eleven-thirty every morning and came back promptly at twelve, sometimes carrying a brown paper bag that the neighborhood assumed contained the family groceries. I never knew how old Mr. Radley made his living- Jem said he "bought cotton," a polite term for doing nothing- but Mr. Radley and his wife had lived there with their two sons as long as anybody could remember.
The shutters and doors of the Radley house were closed on Sundays, another thing alien to Maycomb's ways: closed doors meant illness and cold weather only. Of all days Sunday was the day for formal afternoon visiting: ladies wore corsets, men wore coats, children wore shoes. But to climb the Radley front steps and call, "He-y," of a Sunday afternoon was something their neighbors never did. The Radley house had no screen doors. I once asked Atticus if it ever had any; Atticus said yes, but before I was born.
According to neighborhood legend, when the younger Radley boy was in his teens he became acquainted with some of the Cunninghams from Old Sarum, an enormous and confusing tribe domiciled in the northern part of the county, and they formed the nearest thing to a gang ever seen in Maycomb. They did little, but enough to be discussed by the town and publicly warned from three pulpits: they hung around the barbershop; they rode the bus to Abbottsville on Sundays and went to the picture show; they attended dances at the county's riverside gambling hell, the Dew-Drop Inn & Fishing Camp; they experimented with stumphole whiskey. Nobody in Maycomb had nerve enough to tell Mr. Radley that his boy was in with the wrong crowd.
One night, in an excessive spurt of high spirits, the boys backed around the square in a borrowed flivver, resisted arrest by Maycomb's ancient beadle, Mr. Conner, and locked him in the courthouse outhouse. The town decided something had to be done; Mr. Conner said he knew who each and every one of them was, and he was bound and determined they wouldn't get away with it, so the boys came before the probate judge on charges of disorderly conduct, disturbing the peace, assault and battery, and using abusive and profane language in the presence and hearing of a female. The judge asked Mr. Conner why he included the last charge; Mr. Conner said they cussed so loud he was sure every lady in Maycomb heard them. The judge decided to send the boys to the state industrial school, where boys were sometimes sent for no other reason than to provide them with food and decent shelter: it was no prison and it was no disgrace. Mr. Radley thought it was. If the judge released Arthur, Mr. Radley would see to it that Arthur gave no further trouble. Knowing that Mr. Radley's word was his bond, the judge was glad to do so.
The other boys attended the industrial school and received the best secondary education to be had in the state; one of them eventually worked his way through engineering school at Auburn. The doors of the Radley house were closed on weekdays as well as Sundays, and Mr. Radley's boy was not seen again for fifteen years.
But there came a day, barely within Jem's memory, when Boo Radley was heard from and was seen by several people, but not by Jem. He said Atticus never talked much about the Radleys: when Jem would question him Atticus's only answer was for him to mind his own business and let the Radleys mind theirs, they had a right to; but when it happened Jem said Atticus shook his head and said, "Mm, mm, mm."
So Jem received most of his information from Miss Stephanie Crawford, a neighborhood scold, who said she knew the whole thing. According to Miss Stephanie, Boo was sitting in the livingroom cutting some items from ®The Maycomb Tribune¯ to paste in his scrapbook. His father entered the room. As Mr. Radley passed by, Boo drove the scissors into his parent's leg, pulled them out, wiped them on his pants, and resumed his activities.
Mrs. Radley ran screaming into the street that Arthur was killing them all, but when the sheriff arrived he found Boo still sitting in the livingroom, cutting up the Tribune. He was thirty-three years old then.
Miss Stephanie said old Mr. Radley said no Radley was going to any asylum, when it was suggested that a season in Tuscaloosa might be helpful to Boo. Boo wasn't crazy, he was high-strung at times. It was all right to shut him up, Mr. Radley conceded, but insisted that Boo not be charged with anything: he was not a criminal. The sheriff hadn't the heart to put him in jail alongside Negroes, so Boo was locked in the courthouse basement.
Boo's transition from the basement to back home was nebulous in Jem's memory. Miss Stephanie Crawford said some of the town council told Mr. Radley that if he didn't take Boo back, Boo would die of mold from the damp. Besides, Boo could not live forever on the bounty of the county.
Nobody knew what form of intimidation Mr. Radley employed to keep Boo out of sight, but Jem figured that Mr. Radley kept him chained to the bed most of the time. Atticus said no, it wasn't that sort of thing, that there were other ways of making people into ghosts.
My memory came alive to see Mrs. Radley occasionally open the front door, walk to the edge of the porch, and pour water on her cannas. But every day Jem and I would see Mr. Radley walking to and from town. He was a thin leathery man with colorless eyes, so colorless they did not reflect light. His cheekbones were sharp and his mouth was wide, with a thin upper lip and a full lower lip. Miss Stephanie Crawford said he was so upright he took the word of God as his only law, and we believed her, because Mr. Radley's posture was ramrod straight.
He never spoke to us. When he passed we would look at the ground and say, "Good morning, sir," and he would cough in reply. Mr. Radley's elder son lived in Pensacola; he came home at Christmas, and he was one of the few persons we ever saw enter or leave the place. From the day Mr. Radley took Arthur home, people said the house died.
But there came a day when Atticus told us he'd wear us out if we made any noise in the yard and commissioned Calpurnia to serve in his absence if she heard a sound out of us. Mr. Radley was dying.
He took his time about it. Wooden sawhorses blocked the road at each end of the Radley lot, straw was put down on the sidewalk, traffic was diverted to the back street. Dr. Reynolds parked his car in front of our house and walked to the Radley's every time he called. Jem and I crept around the yard for days. At last the sawhorses were taken away, and we stood watching from the front porch when Mr. Radley made his final journey past our house.
"There goes the meanest man ever God blew breath into," murmured Calpurnia, and she spat meditatively into the yard. We looked at her in surprise, for Calpurnia rarely commented on the ways of white people.
The neighborhood thought when Mr. Radley went under Boo would come out, but it had another think coming: Boo's elder brother returned from Pensacola and took Mr. Radley's place. The only difference between him and his father was their ages. Jem said Mr. Nathan Radley "bought cotton," too. Mr. Nathan would speak to us, however, when we said good morning, and sometimes we saw him coming from town with a magazine in his hand.
The more we told Dill about the Radleys, the more he wanted to know, the longer he would stand hugging the light-pole on the corner, the more he would wonder.
"Wonder what he does in there," he would murmur. "Looks like he'd just stick his head out the door."
Jem said, "He goes out, all right, when it's pitch dark. Miss Stephanie Crawford said she woke up in the middle of the night one time and saw him looking straight through the window at her... said his head was like a skull lookin' at her. Ain't you ever waked up at night and heard him, Dill? He walks like this-" Jem slid his feet through the gravel. "Why do you think Miss Rachel locks up so tight at night? I've seen his tracks in our back yard many a mornin', and one night I heard him scratching on the back screen, but he was gone time Atticus got there."
"Wonder what he looks like?" said Dill.
Jem gave a reasonable description of Boo: Boo was about six-and-a-half feet tall, judging from his tracks; he dined on raw squirrels and any cats he could catch, that's why his hands were bloodstained- if you ate an animal raw, you could never wash the blood off. There was a long jagged scar that ran across his face; what teeth he had were yellow and rotten; his eyes popped, and he drooled most of the time.
"Let's try to make him come out," said Dill. "I'd like to see what he looks like."
Jem said if Dill wanted to get himself killed, all he had to do was go up and knock on the front door.
Our first raid came to pass only because Dill bet Jem The Gray Ghost against two Tom Swifts that Jem wouldn't get any farther than the Radley gate. In all his life, Jem had never declined a dare.
Jem thought about it for three days. I suppose he loved honor more than his head, for Dill wore him down easily: "You're scared," Dill said, the first day. "Ain't scared, just respectful," Jem said. The next day Dill said, "You're too scared even to put your big toe in the front yard." Jem said he reckoned he wasn't, he'd passed the Radley Place every school day of his life.
"Always runnin'," I said.
But Dill got him the third day, when he told Jem that folks in Meridian certainly weren't as afraid as the folks in Maycomb, that he'd never seen such scary folks as the ones in Maycomb.
This was enough to make Jem march to the corner, where he stopped and leaned against the light-pole, watching the gate hanging crazily on its homemade hinge.
"I hope you've got it through your head that he'll kill us each and every one, Dill Harris," said Jem, when we joined him. "Don't blame me when he gouges your eyes out. You started it, remember."
"You're still scared," murmured Dill patiently.
Jem wanted Dill to know once and for all that he wasn't scared of anything: "It's just that I can't think of a way to make him come out without him gettin' us." Besides, Jem had his little sister to think of.
When he said that, I knew he was afraid. Jem had his little sister to think of the time I dared him to jump off the top of the house: "If I got killed, what'd become of you?" he asked. Then he jumped,
landed unhurt, and his sense of responsibility left him until confronted by the Radley Place.
"You gonna run out on a dare?" asked Dill. "If you are, then-"
"Dill, you have to think about these things," Jem said. "Lemme think a minute... it's sort of like making a turtle come out..."
"How's that?" asked Dill.
"Strike a match under him."
I told Jem if he set fire to the Radley house I was going to tell Atticus on him.
Dill said striking a match under a turtle was hateful.
"Ain't hateful, just persuades him- 's not like you'd chunk him in the fire," Jem growled.
"How do you know a match don't hurt him?"
"Turtles can't feel, stupid," said Jem.
"Were you ever a turtle, huh?"
"My stars, Dill! Now lemme think... reckon we can rock him...."
Jem stood in thought so long that Dill made a mild concession: "I won't say you ran out on a dare an' I'll swap you The Gray Ghost-
if you just go up and touch the house."
Jem brightened. "Touch the house, that all?"
Dill nodded.
"Sure that's all, now? I don't want you hollerin' something different the minute I get back."
"Yeah, that's all," said Dill. "He'll probably come out after you when he sees you in the yard, then Scout'n' me'll jump on him and hold him down till we can tell him we ain't gonna hurt him."
We left the corner, crossed the side street that ran in front of the Radley house, and stopped at the gate.
"Well go on," said Dill, "Scout and me's right behind you."
"I'm going," said Jem, "don't hurry me." He walked to the corner of the lot, then back again, studying the simple terrain as if deciding how best to effect an entry, frowning and scratching his head.
Then I sneered at him.
Jem threw open the gate and sped to the side of the house, slapped it with his palm and ran back past us, not waiting to see if his foray was successful. Dill and I followed on his heels. Safely on our porch, panting and out of breath, we looked back.
The old house was the same, droopy and sick, but as we stared down the street we thought we saw an inside shutter move. Flick. A tiny, almost invisible movement, and the house was still.
submitted by ActiveAnxiety9 to teenagers [link] [comments]

Archive: Bernie Sanders Copypastas from ESS

As the Sanders campaign reaches its terminal stage and settles into hospice, I think it would be useful to create kind of a digital library of Sanders copypastas, as sort of a memento mori of the absurdity that the BS campaign shat out. I hope for your contributions, and I'll update this original post with your submissions. Troll or not, Poe's Law or not, all are welcome.
To get everyone into the spirit of my proposal, I present to you the the ne plus ultra, the Give Me Liberty or Give Me Death of Sanders copypastas:
To all the Hillary gloaters, i'll tell you one thing. politics is, and always will be, Bernie territory. OUR territory. The mods of politics have formally endorsed Senator Sanders for president. We will continue to control the front page with positive Bernie news. So before you start talking shit and bragging about your bitch's win, I'll have you know that we're well versed in downvote brigades. Say RIP to your karma if you try anything cute. Assholes.
A new classic, summarized in two words: Chicken Nuggets (thanks u/princessnymphia)
Holy shit. My mom came into my room to bring me a plate of chicken nuggets and I literally screamed at her and hit the plate of chicken nuggets out of her hand. She started yelling and swearing at me and I slammed the door on her. I'm so distressed right now I don't know what to do. I didn't mean to do that to my mom but I'm literally in shock from the results tonight. I feel like I'm going to explode. Why the fucking fuck is he losing? This can't be happening. I'm having a fucking breakdown. I don't want to believe the world is so corrupt. I want a future to believe in. I want Bernie to be president and fix this broken country. I cannot fucking deal with this right now. It wasn't supposed to be like this, I thought he was polling well in New York???? This is so fucked.
The enoughsandersspam variaton on the copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)
I'll have you know I graduated top of my drum circle class, and I've been involved in numerous secret brigading runs on /hillaryclinton, and I have over 300 confirmed FaceBanking spam sessions. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I'm the top downvoting sniper in the entire /politics forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision shitposts the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of birds across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your karma. You're fuckinging dead, old man. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill your karma with over seven hundred downvotes, and that's just with my bare mouse. Not only am I extensively trained in spamming, but I have access to the entire archive of H.A. Goodman articles and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the subreddit, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" Hillary-supporting comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit downvotes all over you and you will drown in it. Your karma is fucking dead, gramps.
The "Prius" copypasta (thanks to myself) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This is perhaps my personal favorite. He's never going to see that car again]
This race is not over. We have a long way to go.
A Socialist Jew just got 48% of the vote in a predominantly white capitalist State (where I happen to live).
I turned my 2014 Toyota Prius over to the Nevada Campaign months ago for their use and just informed them they can have it for as long as they need it.
She sqeaked by this one.
This is not over.
I am here until we win.
The "1% of understanding" copypasta (thanks u/f1ne)
Lol, when it comes to politics I'm in the top 1% of understanding. I've been watching political coverage every week since I was 14 fucking years old. But political novice like you think that you actually have an understanding because of the fact you pay attention once every 2 or 4 years. Yeah keep dreaming. Bernie could easily come out and say that having the debate during the fucking NCAA finals limit exposure to the American people, and that as a true believer in democracy he feels that the American people should be given the best chance to hear the information necessary for them making their democratic decision. And that he doesn't know why Hillary Clinton doesn't want to make the time to reach a large national audience to inform them about what she wants to do for the county. And why she would purposely choose the date that forces the American people to make a choice between watching the final game of the series they've been watching all month, and informing themselves on the difference between the Democratic candidates? Yeah, I guess politics shouldn't be commented on by people who have no fucking idea what they are talking about.
The "Honestly?!?!" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)
Grow the fuck up, all of you are going to be the reason Hillary is elected and this country goes into the shitter. I sacrificed going to work, I sacrificed food for my family, I sacrificed close to 2,000$ for a better future, for an investment and you all ruined it. I hope you all look back in 8 months about the monster you created, you only have yourself to blame.
The "Anti-Sanders" copypasta (thanks u/Zeeker12)
Before Bernie Sanders, it was Ron Paul. Before Ron Paul, it was Dennis Kucinich. Before Dennis Kucinich, it was Howard Dean. Before Howard Dean, it was Ralph Nader. And so on and so forth back to Eugene McCarthy in 1968. For nearly fifty years, middle-class white college ideologues have latched onto this candidate or that, firmly believing that their political awakening has miraculously coincided with discoveries of Great Truths that escape the Brainwashed Morons that make up the electorate (and which just happen to align perfectly with their own particular socioeconomic interests), and that this Great Man is going to be the one to take the country to the promised land. And it's always the same story. Of course he is going to win. I like him, and I usually get the things I want. And he's popular. I mean, everyone I know likes him, and I know all sorts of people at the university I chose because its student body matches my hometown's income level, ethnicity, region, and politics. And everyone on the websites I visit likes him, and there are millions of people on the websites. (I visit these websites because their user base and content creators mostly match my own identity.) I literally don't know anyone who supports his opponent. (I do not consider the previous statement to be indicative of my own limited viewpoint, but rather consider it damning to his opponent.) And look, I voted for him on a bunch of online polls, and then deleted my cookies and switched IP addresses and voted for him again, and again, and again. And he's totally dominating those polls. See. I knew he was winning. I'll post about how he's winning on some websites. And hey, everyone else on these websites is doing the same thing. I bet he's winning. Of course he's winning. How could anyone not support my candidate? His opponent is basically the same as a member of the other party! Actually their voting record is >90% identical to my candidate's. But I don't really know that much about either candidate. I didn't really know who either were twelve months ago. But I'm super excited now! The media isn't reporting favorably on my candidate. They project he will lose. But they're corrupt. They're bought-and-paid-for. I don't even read them any more. Nobody does. Time to show the world that their lies won't work. Time for the primaries. We lost. Fuck. I literally cannot comprehend how this might have happened. The media said this would happen. The media are a bunch of corrupt liars. I guess the system is just as corrupt as the media is. This is not a good story. This is not a good democracy. Fuck this entire fucking corrupt system. I participated but I didn't get anything what the fuck fuck this noise fucking corrupt bastards and the goddamned cunt for brains sheep that vote for them the entire system is broken the parties are identical the democracy is a sham i'm never fucking voting again bunch of bought and paid for hypocrites fuck this fuck you fuck everything see now there are problems in the world YOU FUCKING DESERVE THE PROBLEMS YOU BASTARDS the people need to rise up BECAUSE THE SYSTEM IS BROKEN why even bother I AM NEVER VOTING AGAIN
The "hole in the wall" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)
Using a throwaway because I don't want any trolls stalking all over reddit again... We were supposed to fucking win this one... My retarded Clinton-loving parents are mad at me because I punched a fucking hole in my bedroom wall. I just couldn't take listening to these fucking analysts saying Bernie's campaign is over. Fuck politics, man. this is bullshit. I'm gonna scrap some cash together so I can donate again, but the future is looking fucking bleak
The "Bird" copypasta (thanks u/going_for_a_wank)
Man, as overhyped as the Bernie train is, I gotta say this picture is actually worth a thousand words in terms of his character.
Regardless of context, I believe and have always said that animals are the best judges of true character, and the way someone acts around animals, both with those that could fuck you up and the innocent ones that couldn't severely hurt you no matter how hard they tried, reveals what they really are.
Were I to extrapolate on this idea, the average politician would ignore the bird, the angry, authoritarian, fear-mongerers of the new GOP/tea party would look at it with disdain if they saw it. Someone who truly cares about our planet, our people, and everything on our planet... those with a gentle soul, are the only ones that could stop, appreciate the moment, acknowledge it's beauty, and never even think of it as anything other than a perfectly innocent creature.
I will never trust somebody dogs/cats don't like (if the pets have met them). Never have, never will. Doesn't mean I won't do business or deal with them, I just will ultimately be prejudiced on their character. Perhaps it's confirmation bias, but I've never met a person who's good with animals that has been anything less than admirable, likable, or just plain good.
Sure, I'm a Bernie supporter, but IDGAF who it is. I acknowledge that the more basic nature of a person is more apparent to animals, who've had to adapt to the homo sapiens' dominance (like wolves to dogs) and rely on their kindness.
And that's ignoring whether somebody's concentrating on a speech from memory or reading one off paper, rather than speaking from the heart which allows them to enjoy the moment, read the crowd, and effectively be a better leader. If you don't both know and believe in what you are saying, you wouldn't notice the bird. If you were so concentrated on a memorized speech, you'd look at it like a nuisance. If you actually are speaking from the heart, you see the crowd, and the leaves falling in the distance, you hear the applause after finishing a point, you notice everything as you're in the moment... That is a true leader.
He might be idealistic, he might have views I strongly oppose (humanitarian requirements in international trade agreements off the top of my head), but god damn if he isn't the first candidate in my lifetime I've actually felt wants to do the most he can to make his country, and the world, a better place based on his actual judgement... the first candidate I'm confident in saying that about since Teddy. You might disagree with them on certain issues, but there's no denying their passion for the US, it's citizens, ideals, and their desire to do what they think is best for the country.
The "suicide solution" copypasta (thanks u/TheRealJamesEarlCash)
I maxed out 3 credit cards donating to Sanders and can barely afford to pay my bills this month... Either he wins tonight or im done. If Bernie cant fix my problems, my .45 will.
The "maid" copypasta (thanks u/ryuguy)
msnbc saying that Clarke county results will show that Bernie didn't do as well with Latinos as we thought.
My maid has a Hillary bumper sticker and she better not gloat or anything. She taught my kids spanish and has been with the family for over 8 years but its starting to feel like it might be time for both of us to move on to other opportunities.
The "paraphilia" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)
Ok so to preface I've been straight all my life and this is going to seem really odd so please hear me out lol. I'm a teenager and I use reddit so as you know I love doing typical edgy stuff like memes etc, of which a current Reddit circlejerk is about Bernie Sanders(not going to link the subs but some of them are really pro Sanders and a lot of shitposting etc) anyway, as with any current meme trends I get really into it and I share the memes on other places on the internet and spam them everywhere on the internet in general.
I'm a NEET so I spend a lot of time at home and uh, you know..jerk it a lot but something really weird has happened. I actually legitimately get turned on by watching Bernie videos. Like I said, I've been a straight male all my life.
I don't know what this means and I'm feeling really confused at the moment. I know this sounds stupid but is it normal to sometimes feel same sex attraction to specific people? Like I don't seem to be suddenly attracted to other guys in general or anything.
If anyone has experienced anything like this, I'd really appreciate your comments.
The "emoji saga" copypasta(s) (thanks u/heterosis)
IM DELETING YOU, BERNIE!😭👋 ██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete..... ████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete.... ███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete.... ███████████] 99% complete..... 🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 ✔Bernies💃👴 are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Bernie!💖 Send this to ten other 👴💃Bernies👴💃 who give you 💖👍socialism💖👍 Or never get called 🌷🌼️progressive🌷🌼️ again 🚫😢👎😢👎 If you get 0 Back: no free healthcare for you 🚫🏥🚫🏥 3 back: you're progressive🗽🗽 5 back: you #FEELTHEBERN 🔯🗽🔯 10+ back: You’re the first lady!💕🗽💕❤💋💑❤💋💑
To all the Hillary 👵🏻 gloaters 😂😂😂, I'll tell you ☝️ 1️⃣ thing: politics 🏛 is, 😤 and always will be, 😠 Bernie 👴🏻 territory. OUR 😡 territory. The mods 👮👮👮 of politics 🏛 have formally 👔👌 endorsed Senator Sanders 👴🏻 for president 🇺🇸👍. We 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 will continue ⏱⏰⌚️ to control 🎮 the front page 💻 with positive Bernie 👴🏻 news 🗞📰. So before 🖐😤 you start talking 🗣 shit 💩💩💩 and bragging 😊😜😏 about your bitch's 🚺🐶👵🏻 win, I'll have you know 🤔💭 that we're 👨‍👩‍👧‍👦👩‍👩‍👧‍👦👨‍👨‍👧‍👦 well versed 💬 in downvote ⬇️👎🔽 brigades. Say RIP 💀😩😭 to your karma ⬆️⬇️ if you try anything cute 🐱🐭🐹. Assholes. 😂😂😂
Just me and my 💕bernie💕, hanging out I got pretty hungry🍆 so I started to pout 😞 He asked if I was down ⬇for something yummy 😍🍆 and I asked what and he said he'd give me his 💦delegates!💦 Yeah! Yeah!💕💦 I phonebank!💦 I facebank!💦 I spam /politics💦 😍 It makes 💘bernie💘 😊happy😊 so it's my only goal... 💕💦😫Harder bernie! Harder bernie! 😫💦💕 1 primary💦, 2 primaries💦💦, 3 primaries💦💦💦, 4💦💦💦💦 I'm 💘bernie's💘 👑supporter 👑but I'm also a karma whore! 💟 He makes me feel politically active💗!He makes me feel progressive💜! 💘💘💘He makes me feel everything a bernie supporter should!~ 💘💘💘 👑💦💘Wa-What!💘💦👑
The "Red October" copypasta (thanks u/Ogodei_Khan)
COMRADES, men of the Sanders Army and Phonebanking Navy, commanders and political instructors, working men and working women, collective farmers-men and women, workers in the intellectual professions, brothers and sisters in the rear of our enemy who have temporarily fallen under the yoke of the Hillary brigands, and our valiant men and women guerillas who are destroying the rear of the /hillaryclinton invaders!
On behalf of the Sanders Campaign and our Progressive Party I am greeting you and congratulating you on the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Great October Political Revolution.
Comrades, it is in strenuous circumstances that we are to-day celebrating the twenty-fourth anniversary of the Political Revolution. The perfidious attack of the Hillary brigands and the war which has been forced upon us have created a threat to our subreddit. We have temporarily lost a number of users, the enemy has appeared at the gates of /s4p and /GrassrootsSelect. The enemy reckoned that after the very first blow our army would be dispersed, and our subreddit would be forced to her knees. But the enemy gravely miscalculated. In spite of temporary reverses, our Army and Navy are heroically repulsing the enemy’s attacks along the entire front and inflicting heavy losses upon her, while our country—our entire country—has organized itself into one fighting camp in order, together with our Army and our Navy, to encompass the rout of the DNC invaders.
There were times when our country was in a still more difficult position. Remember the year 2016, when we celebrated the first anniversary of the October Revolution. Three-quarters of our subreddit was at that time in the hands of low information voters. New York, the Caucasus, Iowa, Florida, Texas and the Deep South were temporarily lost to us. We had no allies, we had no Vatican City—we had only just begun to create it; there was a shortage of food, of donations, of phones for the Army. Fourteen big banks were pressing against our subreddit.
But we did not become despondent, we did not lose heart. In the fire of war we forged the Phonebanking Army and converted our subreddit into a military camp. The spirit of the great Sanders animated us at that time for the war against the shills. And what happened? We lost by a little less!
To-day the position of our subreddit is far better than twenty-three months ago. Our subreddit is now many times richer than it was twenty-three months ago as regards foreign teenagers, upvotes, and $27 donations. We now have allies, who together with us are maintaining a united front against the Hillary invaders. We now enjoy the sympathy and support of all the nations of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of Hitlery’s tyranny. We now have a splendid Army and a splendid Navy, who are defending with their lives the liberty and independence of our country. We experience no serious shortage of either whining, or popes, or small snacks. Our entire country, all the peoples of our country, support our Army and our Navy, helping them to smash the invading hordes of Hillary Republicans. Our reserves of teenage-power are inexhaustible. The spirit of the great Warren and her victorious banner animate us now in this patriotic war just as they did twenty-three months ago.
Can there be any doubt that we can, and are bound to, defeat the Hillary shills?
The enemy is not so strong as some frightened little fourteen year olds picture her. The devil is not so terrible as she is painted. Who can deny that our Red Army has more than once put the vaunted Goldman Sachs employees to panic flight? If one judges, not by the boastful assertions of the DNC propagandists, but by the actual position of Hillary, it will not be difficult to understand that the nfascist invaders are facing disaster. Corruption and hate reign in Germany to-day; in four months of war Hillary has lost four and a half million men; /hillaryclinton is bleeding, her reserves of man-power are giving out, the spirit of indignation is spreading not only among the peoples of Europe who have fallen under the yoke of the undemocratic invaders but also among the /hillaryclinton people themselves, who see no end to corruption. The Hillary invaders are straining their last efforts. There is no doubt that Hillary cannot sustain such a strain for long. Another few months, another half-year, perhaps another year, and Clinton must burst under the pressure of her crimes.
Comrades, men of the Upvote Army and Red Navy, commanders and political instructors, men and women guerillas, the whole world is looking to you as the force capable of destroying the plundering hordes of corrupt Wall Street invaders. The enslaved peoples of America who have fallen under the yoke of the DNC look to you as their liberators. A great liberating mission has fallen to your lot. Be worthy of this mission! The war you are waging is a war of liberation, a just war. Let the manly images of our great ancestors—Stalin, Mao, Castro, Lenin, Pol Pot, and Elizabeth Warren—inspire you in this war! May the victorious banner of the great Sanders be your lodestar!
For the complete destruction of the Wall Street invaders!
Death to the Goldman Sachs!
Long live our glorious subreddit, her liberty and her independence!
Under the banner of Sanders, forward to victory!
The "Because she's a woman?" copypasta (thanks u/xthn)
What's your proof of this? People say things as stupid as this all the time with no proof. At the same time, you dismiss the proof that exists on the other side for mistrusting and disliking Hillary Clinton. You're happy she won? Why? Why do you think she's going to do any good for this country? What are the stances she has that you like? Besides the fact that she's a woman? Because a lot of awful people also happen to be women. I'd bet about half the awful people in the world are women. Being a woman isn't a good enough reason to be the leader of the free world. So please tell me why you're so happy she might end up in control.
The "ballot bern" copypasta (thanks u/Soulja_Boy_Yellen)
I wouldn't mind doing this. Just taking a lighter to my ballot in the general and saying to the hrc voters around me, "Our vote didn't count, so here you go. Told you you'd feel the bern one way or another. Enjoy the loss. You brought it on yourselves."
Then walk out with my head held high while they writhe in sheer anger
The "Dads" copypasta (thanks u/RedCanada) [EDITOR'S NOTE: The levels of cringe in this CP are off the charts, and one of the few times reading something on here has made me physically uncomfortable]
I think you have no idea how right you are.
"Dads" aren't just the proverbial sperm donors that contributed half of the genetic makeup of who we are.
Dads are the leaders, those who walk the walk, instead of just talking the talk.
Bernie to me is both a great leader, and a damn good father figure.
I always considered myself without a strong father figure, be it paternal or religious.
Bernie is the kindly old man who lit a fire in my heart and set ablaze any previous notion of what "common sense" was supposed to be.
Common sense means nothing, and I don't mean that in a cutesy way.
It means nothing until you set the standard for how your grandchildren will live.
Bernie knows that if he doesn't fight like hell for the grandchildren he'll never meet they will fall through the cracks.
It's no coincidence to me that "grand dad" and "great father" are synonyms. Bernie suits both. The one father figure I related to enough to demand better for the grand children I'll never meet.
And I know I'm not the only one. I'm a hard line stoic rationalist but I've had enough of the greed and the hatred of the status quo.
Humans can be better than greed, better than hatred. You just have to convince people they're worth fighting for.
Thank you, Bernie.
Thank you for convincing me that no matter how scary an enemy, bravery can and does overcome fear when you let it.
E: Man, does nobody know what it means to speak proverbially anymore? is that a scary thing now?
The "Superdelegate Revenge Squad" copypasta (thanks u/red1dragon588)
If hillary only wins because of super delegates I will write so many angry emails, physical letters, and phone calls (and I've never done the latter 2 before) to every single one of my representatives and the DNC letting them know how upset I am with their actions, and that I will never vote for anyone responsible for this mess ever again, and will vote third party if I have to because I'll never go back to being an inactive voter again either.
Furthermore I'll make my own Hillary Clinton style hit list and I'll make sure to donate money to every single candidate, blue red or otherwise running against said people on list in my district or not until they are ousted from office, and I'll make sure to write those candidates to informing them of that.
Then if I'm still angry, I'll use my coding skills to make an app designed to inform users about their local politicians and history, including income sources and vote history (including delegate votes obviously). And maybe a way to read news articles posted about that candidate about good and bad things they've done.
That last one is a fuckload of work, I almost hope they make me mad enough to get the motivation to attempt it. But more realistically I might try and make an app for the grassroots subreddit if there isn't one already by then to consolidate info of people running on grassroots campaigns in various offices and whether or not they're running up against certain people.
I'll make sure to save this post so I don't forget my intentions.
The "Blacks should know better" copypasta (thanks u/mrsmeeseeks)
DO. NOT. QUIT. Some of these states are southern, and we know how Bernie does ther ebecuase of certain populations. Things get better from here on out. I think what we need to do is connect better with the African-American population. Now obviously we all know that Hillary has a horrible record with blacks. But they don't seem to get it. I'm not sure if we're being too subtle, or if there's something internalized here, but they should really know better at this point. A lot of people here have done a lot of work to try and educate this group, but I think we need to make our message simpler, maybe we're being confusing or using way too complicated language for them. Remember it's not their fault, they just weren't educated by the MSM, and it's our job ot show them the correct choice. Once again, do NOT give up. Keep strong, and start pushing harder for acceptance by the blacks, and we should be able to pull this off.
The "laminate lectern" copypasta (thanks u/ArkBirdFTW)
Just when I thought I couldn't love him more I see that his lectern is made of cheap press board laminate.
The dude just refuses to waste money on anything.
But his plans are "too expensive".
Really? Come on guys. This is not a man who wastes money. Just look ffs.
The "Idol" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)
I'll always support you no matter what happens, Bernie. In highschool, teachers usually ask you who your idol is. Back then, I never managed to really answer that question. I didn't know anyone who I could really look up to. That all changed when I started to learn about you in September 2015. I can now answer that question without a single doubt in my mind. And I can give a thousand reasons why I chose you. Thanks for fighting so passionately to defend the lives of millions around the whole world.
The "proof that politics is indeed a circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/FiveCentDeposit)
politics is not a circlejerk. It just so happens that most people there support Sanders. That most people there share a particular opinion doesn't make it a circlejerk. It would be a circlejerk if people just praising that opinion got tons of upvotes and those who dissent got tons of downvotes. This is not the case. Yes, most people there support Sanders but they back it up with reason and facts. However if you constantly bring up fallacies like that there is a statistically meaningful amount of so called "Bernie Bros", that Clinton is more electable or that Sanders should drop out because he can't win, prepare for your unsubstantiated rhetoric to be met with downvotes. There are tons of myths about Sanders that are disproved by statistics and objective facts, and if you bring them up, don't act as if it's because the people who downvoted you are part of an echo chamber.
The "footprints" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)
One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with Bernie. Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky. In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand. Sometimes there were two sets of footprints. Other times there were one set of footprints. This bothered me because I noticed that during the low periods of my life When I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat, I could see only one set of footprints. So I said to Lord Bernie, "You promised me free college, That if I followed you, you would legalize weed. But I noticed that during the most trying periods of my life There have only been one set of prints in the sand. Why, When I have needed you most, you have not been there for me?" The Lord replied, "wall street, Millionahs, and billionahs."
The "one last throw of the dice" copypasta (thanks u/berniebrah)
The My Fellow Sanders Supporters
Wake Up.
We lost New York, that very thought still fucking burns me as I write this. But Understand this, We Got Five, count with Me One (Pennsylvania) Two (Maryland) Three( Connecticut) Four (Rhode Island) And Five (Delaware) states coming. And Guess what, we sweep through that, and get as small of a lost as we can in Maryland, We Will not only make up what we lost in New York, we will have cut into her lead.
This is war, My brothers and Sisters, and wars are not won by one battle, one moment. We will lose battles, we will lose states.... but we will win the war.
This Campaign is focused on one thing, and one thing only, Fixing America. Fixing the Justice System, the Educational System, the Political System, Our Infrastructure. And we have to work hard for it. MSM and the DNC have written us of as a Insurgency.
Damn Right we are an Insurgency, We are an Insurgency fighting for the future of our children, our families, our very way of life. Corporates like Goldman Sachs, and the Walton Family want to keep us down. And we are down, right now. What matters is this..... Will we stay down, let the world Die around us, because we lost by a little bit in New York. We were no matter what going to lose New York, I wish it wasn't that way but the DNC and Hillary's foothold on that state is strong. We Have to Stand, to give this goddamn world a fighting chance, Hillary won't change Anything, Trump will make it even Worse. We have to win this or Our very way of Life is Gone, and I am not being Dramatic. Hillary wouldn't dare change a thing to keep her Pals in Wall Street Happy, and Trump will Accelerate us into another War. We Let that happen we won't have another Chance, there isn't another 4 years, there isn't a "Next Time" There is only Now, and Now we Have to Lick our wounds, Stand up, and Fight Back, and this is how we are going to do it.
Pennsylvania: We have a Large group of Support there for Sanders, we need to increase it. It takes Priority Number 2, Its has the most Delegates out of all of the other states.
Maryland: Were not gonna get Maryland, no matter how much we do. So we will Focus on Damage Control, Limit the amount we Lose by to as small as possible. We'll make up the delegates With Connecticut, Delaware and Rhode Island: Priority Number one, We need to win these states, no matter what if we wanna stop Maryland from cutting into our win in Pennsylvania, so we need big wins here.
Stand strong Guys, Bernie hasn't abandoned us, we Will Not Abandon him. This is a Revolution, and It Will Not Be Stopped by one state going bad for us.
The "Bernie fanfiction" copypasta, original and variation (thanks u/berniebrah)
Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. Bert to the first person's Ernie, a rounder face less hair to dance on his head but a kindred spirit. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Ernie' looks over, sets down the book and stands, offering his hand. "Bernard" "Jorge" "You do good work." Impressed nod. "You, cool." Sly smile. "Be well." Jane starts to sit back down but goes over for a hug instead, over her shoulder a child like smile spreads warmly.
Picture if you will, a small adorned study in the Vatican, a small collection of artifacts and books sit on a coffee stable as an older gentleman sits reading one. His hair is disheveled. He looks excited and worn like an oak in the spring as he unwinds from the day. His wife gazes at him from the other chair, her pride of pushing past paperwork to be able to enjoy this moment is palpable. As the air hangs and this moment of evening holds without passing another older fellow glances and then steps in. The lady notices and stands to greet him which breaks the silence. 'Signore Sanders, what are you doing here?' asks the man, as Bernard sets down the book and stands, asking: "Who are you? Where's the pope?" "Signore Sanders, the pope is in Greece" "But I was going to meet with him, he invited me!" "No Signore Sanders, His Holiness did not invite you. Now please leave before I call the guard." Bernard looks heartbroken. Jane goes over to give him a hug; over her shoulder a child like sob is heard as tears roll down the old man's face.
The "Teenage Kicks" copypasta (thanks u/LiberatorFalcon)
I'm 15 years old and I LOVE Bernie Sanders! :) #FeelTheBern lol. I am REALLY interested in politics. Let me just say that I am so sick and tired of these faux news racist reactionary far right Republican candidates like Donald Trump getting votes (by people like my dad.... lol). It's so funny that people hate Bernie Sanders because he's a socialist.. do people even realize that we have like a million social programs in the United States?? And Europe already IS socialist. These stupid old white guys need to get with the times lol. I don't see why we can't just have free college and free healthcare. These things are a right NOT a privilege. Plus it's already done in EVERY other first world country. Too bad faux news idiots are too brainwashed because they're paid out by big business. lol. Not to mention the income inequality.... completely disgusting.
The "Tell Everyone" copypasta (thanks u/JessesPinkman)
I had a vision last night! Let's take it to the finish line.
Last night while I took a quick nap a vision came to me. I felt like I was drowning deep in the middle of the ocean. I looked around and saw nobody to help. The water kept climbing into my airways and when all seemed lost I look up. Looking down at me was Bernie and immediately he points to me.
I quickly felt the water fade away and turned my head down to see it had disappeared. All that remained was a telephone and a crisp $100 bill. I knew exactly what it meant and as I look back to Bernie all he says to me is, "Tell Everyone!"
This is our moment friends. If we donate just a little bit more and phonebank just a bit harder we'll win this for sure. Spread the word!
The "anti-circlejerk" copypasta (thanks u/General_Kony)
Anyone remember the unidan era?
Here's the thing. You said a "/ESS is a CircleJerk."
Is it in the same family? Yes. No one's arguing that.
As someone who is a scientist who studies CircleJerks, I am telling you, specifically, in science, no one calls ESS a Circlejerk. If you want to be "specific" like you said, then you shouldn't either. They're not the same thing.
If you're saying "It's the same type of subreddit" you're referring to the taxonomic grouping of Shitposting, which includes things from Lenny Faces to <---- Number of posts to memes.
So your reasoning for calling a /EnoughSandersSpam a CircleJerk is because low information sanders supporters "call it one?" Let's get /politics and /the_donald in there, then, too.
Also, calling someone an paid shill or a plant ? It's not one or the other, that's not how shilling works. They're both. An paid shill is a Plant and a member of the /EnoughSandersSpam family. But that's not what you said. You said a /EnoughSandersSpam is a CircleJerk, which is not true unless you're okay with calling all members of the Political Subreddits Circlejerks, which means you'd call /SandersForPresident, /politics, and other shitposting subreddits, too. Which you said you don't. It's okay to just admit you're wrong, you know?
The "Berniebots = atheists" copypastas (thanks u/z7sour7lemons7z) [EDITOR'S NOTE: This CP perhaps contains the greatest amount of cognitive dissonance I've seen in a Sanders post]
Bernie Sanders supporters are like atheists. They are obviously right and they know it. But should they dare speak obvious truths, they get attacked by ad hominems from well-intentioned people who refuse to accept reality. If the goal of civilization is to make progress, the idea that Hillary Clinton is a better candidate than Bernie Sanders is pure fantasy. There are plenty of smart, reasonable, and well-informed Hillary supporters -- But there are plenty smart, reasonable, well-informed Christians, Jews, and Muslims too. I think the explanations for why Hillary is a better candidate than Bernie are as unreasonable as religion. But good luck getting a follower to realise it.
The "True Nature of Power" copypasta (thanks u/Stupidconspiracies)
Know what power is? Clinton needs Sanders voters to win the election, THAT is power. HAHAHAHAHAHA Got bad news for you, Sanders and his supporters won't surrender unconditionally, and if Clinton resists our terms there will be consequences. HAHAHAHAHAHA Here's how it's gonna go down. If Clinton wants to win (which she does) Clinton will make progressive promises on the convention floor (which she will), and the moment she violates any of those promises, she'll be hearing from us. :P Feel the Bern.
submitted by SherlockBrolmes to Enough_Sanders_Spam [link] [comments]

Theory: Breaking it apart, making it visible

Here are some thoughts. Please challenge TF out of them!
*******Disclaimer: These are just my opinions based on my own experience, reading other people's stories, and consuming research literature. I cannot prove I am correct. I just have hunches and will not hesitate to correct any incorrect hypotheses or misinformation with the truth.
I think I know why I have what is currently labelled 'misophonia'. This may apply to many people who have it. I don't know about everybody. Background: I have had misophonia for four years (25/6-30) Here are my current thoughts.

Misophonia: what is it, how does it form, how to fix it (theoretically)

  1. Misophonia is adaptive avoidance behaviour. That's it. It's not a disorder.
  2. It makes us avoid perceived threats (auditory or visual stimuli) to keep us safe.
  3. It very often begins after exposure to something emotionally 'painful' or 'traumatic'. Traumatic here meaning something that causes internal discomfort to an individual. We don't often notice what's caused the traumatic feelings. We might even suppress them, which makes the underlying original trauma even harder to find later.
  4. Misophonia triggers can be explained using David Rock's SCARF model: Status, Certainty, Autonomy, Relatedness and Fairness. It's behavioural psychology in action.
  5. Reversing triggers involves undoing original learning. Somewhere along the line we all learned a particular sound or movement was 'dangerous' and developed survival mechanisms.
My story in a nutshell:
  1. Experienced what I deemed as inappropriate feelings of attraction to members of same sex during high school (15yo). Picked up 'leg shaking' 'leg touching' as 'misokinesia' triggers
  2. More inappropriate attraction (in my mind) at college. Leg triggers resurface (19/20yo)
  3. Witness mother touching leg (in manner I incorrectly perceive to be sexual) in front of friend, feel it is inappropriate (20yo)
  4. Fail to realise my mind has incorrectly categorised mother's behaviour as 'inappropriate', and that is due to my own self-disgust/repression
  5. Perceived unfairness in my mind: mum is allowed to behave sexually whereas I am not; she would never accept this anyway (voice trigger develops, 25/6yo)
You realise this after asking questions and bashing out your brains with:
  1. What sound hurts you?
  2. When do you first remember it hurting you?
  3. What is your first memory associated with hating that sound?
  4. Who made that sound?
  5. What was your relationship with them at that time like?
  6. What else were they doing the first time they made the unpleasant sound?
This is easier if you can remember when your misophonia started, but even then, you have to dig through trenches to get answers, and for an emotionally unintelligent person like myself, it took a year of analysis to get here.
What to do once you find your trauma/realise what is causing you pain (I think?)
  1. Find ways to teach yourself that you were mistaken in your perception. Ways to update your old learning.
  2. If you were taught it's rude to chew with your mouth open, go find a place with quiet chewers and GRAZE bovine style. See what happens.
  3. If you were told it's annoying to clear your throat, find a library/silent study area and embark on a phlegmtastic adventure like you've never seen before. Would people really hate it that much? Make your brain second guess itself. Test stuff out. Find opposites. These are also called 'mismatches' according to memory reconsolidation theory.
Misophonia as a defense mechanism
As The Emotional Operator says, the misophonic reaction (a behavioural adaptation) is there to protect us.
From what? From something emotionally threatening/painful.
What is emotionally painful to you?
When you are triggered, how do you feel?
Uncomfortable. Disgusted. Anxious. Tense. Angry. Annoyed. Confronted. Violated.
That's the emotional language. Not the threat beneath it. I'll give you an example.
One person on the misophonia sub once mentioned how their chewing triggers started. A 'friend' of theirs took their food without permission (and rather thoughtlessly) and ate it wish relish in front of them. Then this person developed an auditory trigger to chewing.
Do they hate the sound of chewing (tip of iceberg)? It seems that way. On the surface. But they don't.
Ok then. Is it bad manners? Yes. Sure. It's rude to take someone's food like that. But are bad manners threatening? No. Not really.
Alright. Why is it 'disgusting' if someone is chewing food with relish? Objectively it isn't. People need to eat to live. Some of them are sloppy eaters by nature. Gross, but nbd. Let's say you're a neat eater. You're hungry. That sandwich over there looks delicious and you are about to take a bite when someone you trust just takes it selfishly and starts wolfing it down. They make really satisfied smacking sounds and bits of sauce stain their lips. You stay silent. How does it make you feel? Hurt? Betrayed? Wounded? You never address this. You never tell the person off, you never express your anger or disappointment. It gets bottled up. You think you're ok. But over time, you realise you can't stand the sound of people chewing. You hate the way they just eat so messily, so disrespectfully.
Is it the sound?
No. It's injustice. (SCARF - Fairness)
Every person out there who chews like a cow now represents that friend. That person who treated you unfairly and stole your food. You know they're not. They're different people entirely. But the injustice was never addressed. This is below the iceberg.
Misophonia LIMBIC SYSTEM says: NO. I WON'T BE TREATED UNJUSTLY AGAIN. It screams to get your attention and protect you from being mistreated again by a sandwich thief. A bread snatcher. It hears the sound and activates the fight/flight to get you safely away from anyone who could potentially take your food again.
How do you free your mind from hating chewing?
You need to have a fair experience around food. You need to have a counter example. You need to chew sloppily around somebody new and see if they hate it. You need to have someone be super considerate at the food court and buy you a sandwich, then offer you theirs unexpectedly (unexpectedly is key). You need to surprise your brain so it can update its fairness program. You need to show your brain that you are not actually in danger anymore.
This applies to any trigger in my opinion:
  1. Identify emotional language.
  2. Identify threat beneath emotional language.
  3. Separate trigger from threat.
  4. Address threat, not trigger, with opposing experience. (uncertainty needs certainty, lack of autonomy needs autonomy, unfairness needs fairness)
Edit 1: Addressing each individual threat with a specific opposite to THAT threat is very important
Misophonic triggers come in various forms. They are usually repetitive sounds (or motions, in the case of misokinesia) that originate from the mouth (chewing, slurping, throat clearing, coughing, mumbling, speaking softly, lip smacking etc) or nose (breathing, sneezing, sniffling etc). Misokinesic triggers might include repeated or continuous swaying, mouths moving, legs touching, chin stroking (see more here ).
In order to STOP or REVERSE a particulaindividual trigger (NOT A SEPARATE TRIGGER), you need to identify the specific threat underlying THAT trigger, and then apply the opposite of THAT.
You might have multiple triggers, like in my case.
Say you have aversive reactions to chewing and swaying. I am betting there are different 'traumas' around each of those triggers. Meaning, if you find the emotional opposite of your chewing threat, using that to treat your swaying trigger probably won't work. Breaking it down further:
Hypothetical scenario, trigger 1 - your mom/dad is super strict around the table, telling child you that you must eat with manners. Meanwhile they eat sloppily and don't apply the same austere behavioural controls to themselves. You unconsciously pick that up as a threat, because you can't articulate the injustice as an 8 year old, and besides, whenever you try to say "but mom why are you allowed to do it" she says something like, "Don't speak out of line to your parents." So, opposite of this injustice is justice - a place where you get to chew like an animal and nobody gives a flying toss. That's a surface level explanation and you need to find a phrase or statement or mantra that you can repeat, or actually experience a person who gives you a justice OVERLOAD that completely shocks your brain which in turn makes you think: "Oh...I'm chewing disgustingly, and everybody around me is being super quiet and respectful...they're not going to scold me? WTF? Ok, shouldn't I be triggering myself? Why isn't it annoying me? Huh? Wait what!? But...I'm supposed to be triggered and...." Like that. You need to genuinely believe that. That is an opposite reaction emotionally. You need to SEE the chewing as just 'whatever it's just a sound' and actually believe it, not try to CONVINCE your brain to believe it when you can't see it. Maybe for misophonia, seeing is believing.
Hypothetical scenario, trigger 2 - you hate swaying movements/when people are moving to and fro in concerts or church or wherever because, now that you think about it, you remember a time in ballet class where you kept accidentally shaking/swaying during a routine practice, and the teacher kept telling you if you continued making those mistakes, you might not make it to the state final. That's a certainty threat. Now, at the same time, you noticed the teacher never criticised other pupils who did the exact same thing/never doubted their chances of making it to the final, and actually encouraged them. This is also an injustice related threat. So, this isn't a good example, but you can see how applying the exact same anti-threat treatment (it is ok to fail/be imprecise because everyone else is also imprecise = justice) may not completely get rid of the trigger because there's also a certainty threat to 'fix'. You might need to do a double treatment like, actually, NOBODY can guarantee the certainty of making it through to the final because the judging panel ultimately decides that, NOT my teacher, PLUS everybody else is just as imprecise as I am.
It is harder to see or identify emotional threats when there are multiple triggers at once, but I think that each one has a unique opposite 'treatment' and you can't apply the same solution as a one-size-fits-all. A good way of looking at it is synonyms and antonyms. If your nouns are hate, injustice, and greed, what do you need to fix each one? It's obvious, right? Opposite of hate is love, opposite of injustice is justice, opposite of greed is generosity. But what if you applied justice to greed? That just means also being greedy back, so it won't cancel out the greed. In other words:
Greed + Justice = Greed plus justice
That doesn't remove greed.
To remove greed, you need to subtract greed.
Greed - greed
Or in this case:
Greed + generosity (this is like: -greed or negative greed)
Greed + generosity = neutral/zero/0.
You may need to start small. You may need to work on distant triggers first. Eg parents and siblings are on the inner circle and strangers are on the outer circle. Working on biggest trigger people first is like taking the virus in a shot instead of the vaccine! Let yourself build 'immunity' (acceptance) before taking on biggest threats.
Matching your noun/trigger with the correct antonym/opposite, in my opinion, is absolutely necessary if you want to extinguish it to a neutral state.
------ (The neurons that rewrite traumatic memories)
We know this: NOT all sounds are triggers. Only some are---The ones we've assigned negative meaning to and stored that way in our memory. Change the memory to positive, change the perception of the sound, change the real-time meaning = change the response---ie revert back to non-threat state/no misophonia.
Look at your history, outline all your triggers, try to see what threat is behind them and determine the opposite of each individual one. THEN start practising self-forgiveness, kindness, exposing yourself to the opposite of the threat. This is the best I've got guys. I could be wrong and I will immediately admit it (it's not embarrassing to me/my pride means jack all in this journey, I'd rather be wrong AF and update this post with the correct treatment so then everyone can do the RIGHT thing to heal themselves)

If we don't do something different enough, or something surprising enough, our brains won't update.
We will remain the same. Unless we have a natural mismatch occur randomly in a social situation.
If we don't do the research, if we don't try to make our triggers safe, then we will have to live with them in the mean time anyway. This isn't going away if we don't address it. As someone who has seen six psychologists, taken antidepressants for one year, and discussed my situation with a psychiatrist, practised CBT, mindfulness, meditation, progressive muscle relaxation, exposure therapy, I can tell you I am still stuck this way four years later. The issue has not been addressed. This is why I am here and trying to understand it/heal myself. Reading. Experimenting. Challenging my thoughts. Taking on board criticisms. Wondering whether I will succeed or fail. Concluding that trying to do something is better than just living with this sound hell for the rest of my days because maybe I'll get it. Maybe I'll break through. And maybe you will too. But you'll never know until you try. And I sure as heck hope everyone with misophonia DAMN WELL TRIES and DOES break free. We cannot give up.
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